Jesus, I'm urs forever

what are words:)

2011-03-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQY4dIxY1H4

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone
And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side

I would never leave when she needs me most
What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone
Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

Re- setting my priorities

2011-01-18T12:04:00.002+08:00

Today marks a crossroad of my life. as i open my result this is the first time i flunk everything. for once i am at life's crossroad, where i am hindered lost and depress. When i have every reason to look up and ask where is god in everything i do, but then i realise, thru this season, i never had god in it. and this is not god's way of punishing me but its god's way of giving me a wake up call. i thank god that i still got an A and B+ on my result slip despite having to retake my module.

and i know that such "bad" result has been dealt with at the cross, and thank you lord for having me reset my priorities and knowing what i have to do and not do in the coming sem and even the coming year.

Priorities: 1. God 2. Family 3. Studies and church friends 4. Tuition(at most 2-3) 5. School stuff(at most twice a month)

i will work to a sem that i profess and proclaim that gpa 3.5 is for my taking this coming sem! i surrender all my time, my mind and my heart to you lord for i know u will take it and i thank you for blessing everything of it and making the best out of me! i thank you jesus for ur finish work at the cross that it will be done!

and in times of difficulty, i will look to u lord for u will be my strength, my refuge and my shelter. bless my little time i have where i will give me the discipline to study and yet allowing me to juggle with life in church! i wanna go back and dwell in ur house where i know that it is only there where i can find peace in whatever i do and find favours in whatever i have and wisdom in whatever i need!

i am never gonna leave that house anymore! god my life is urs. and thank you for ur love sacrifice:)

the 4 things i put to u

2011-01-03T09:58:00.003+08:00

3 days ago before i set foot into 2011, i have been utterly sceptical abt what 2011 would be. i was fearful of what is to come as things didnt really go my way in 2010. Heartbreaks and sorrows mainly filled the last days of 2010. but i slowly came to realise that it is not what the world make my life to be, but it is abt the hope that god gives to me and the believe that he place in me that makes everything worth looking forward to. With god's grace that is more than enough for me, the fears of road blocks and barriers wld just be a form of god's manifestation to be a testimony:) i am starting to believe in 2011, i am starting to fill my life with greater hopes that u bless me and favour me according to ur richness and not to my poverty.

As i began 2011, i lay down 4 things to see ur manifestation in. i know that u have it all taken care of and i am trusting u in it.

1. wisdom and knowledge for myself in terms of studies to get good grades and to handle issues wisely and emotionally in my life.
2. Restoration and blessed relationship with may, jiaen and nam and that our hearts wld be healed and bring our relationship to a whole new level.
3. mended heart,from the heart break, a heart that is crowned and a stronger heart, that is guarded from negativities and be strong in times of needs and troubles.
4. a closer and knitter bond with my family and that all of us be blessed in every areas of our life.

i thank you lord that at the cross u bore everything for us so that we wld be blessed as we are now.i thank you lord for blessing us according to ur richness and i thank you for this amazing manifestation that will come in this 2011!:)

2011 is so gonna be awesome! i just cant wait:)

closing 2010

2010-12-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

What a year it has turn out to be in the year 2010. As i walk through this year, and i look bad at the steps of my life and how things have turn out to be, it place me in a mix, but nonetheless, i thank god for everything that happened.

It has been an awesome had been with nam, how promising and how much hope it started off and how it blossoms like the flowers we see in autumn. The times we had in phuket, huahin, bkk, singapore and everything else made things with nam nothing but beautiful and magnificent. I would always look back and be happy that we were once together and still smile at the beautiful moments we spend and had. the journey was tough and long but it made it all so sweet with the sweat and tears placed in it.but i guess things just didnt work out as we thought. as uk came, things stretched like the distance along with the time that we have. apart we are, we are thinned to the little we can have to survive it. nonetheless we still kept it up for 3 months. and although things are lost and broken, i still pray and hope that things wld be mended and lives will still be impacted. and i pray and hope for her restoration and blessings in her life:) and it wld always be nice to have her ard as a friend. thanks nam for everything!

Studies for my second sem of my first year was great, how god manage to turn the little studying times to the As i get in the exam is truly awesome. He uses the little knowledge i have and multiply it and it became an amazing gpa that came to past that seriously pushed me up and motivated me quite a bit. i hope that it cld go on and on and on.

FOr tuition, i am so glad that he placed so many opportunities for a start. to get continuous tuition jobs and each being higher than the next makes it so great. with lesser time n yet increase in the money makes it all so meaningful and nice. What makes this tuition job extra sweet is the little little students that he place ard me, that cherish me, play with me, and grow alongside with me made it all so meaningful. to be able to impact lives, change them and make them a better person makes me so happy. Thanks for entrusting them into my care and i will not stop impacting and making their lives better after every meeting. in the dullest of job, i still find joy and hope just makes its simply beautiful and heart warming.

may and jiaen, my 2 bestest bestfriends have been the best thing that u have ever given me. to walk thru this crazy sem in ntu with the 2 of them has simply been the greatest joy i got in the last few months. thank you for entrusting them to me. to share the shiok maki, to laugh the laughs and to embrace each other in times of troubled waters, made this relationship even more awesome than it can ever be. Though thru this last 2 crazy weeks that i have been, i know that i have screwed up so bad with the two greatest gift of my life. it made christmas cold lonely and dull. but i know that through the midst of it, there is restoration, there is healing, and there is hope for a better tmr. if they can ever see this post, sorry bestfriend. i know i screw it up big time, because i have been selfish, i have been demanding, and the worst, i have been insane abt everything that happen. it was no longer a relationship or friendship of two person, but it became only abt ben and his life. and i totally neglected both ur feelings and i know it has really been selfish. but i wanna believe that things wld get better, and i am hoping for another chance, this time, to make it even better, to bring this friendship to an even greater height. i am waiting for that day when we can all hang out together again. SM KLUB it wld be, i wanna be a part of it all over again. i miss hanging out with u two.

and lastly thanks for everything from my family to my relationships to the daily affairs of my life. u have truly been an amazing abba father that took care of every little details of my life. i know i have been blessed and i know that things wld be better. i trust my life in my 2011 in ur hands where i know that with ur wisdom and peace guiding upon me, i will take the step of faith and believe into the choppy water and know that u are there to part the seas for my passing and coming by. and that u make all things good and perfect just because u love me:) i know i have been bless and i will live in that blessings and love upon me!

My prayer for 2011

a complete restoration and a beautiful manifestation of friendship with may and jiaen!

a tighter and stronger bond with my family

good grades in my exams

wisdom to grow in the lord and to take on life

to grow fitter and look better

be blessed with a beautiful and wise blessing.

improve my relationship with nam

to be wash by his love and impact ppl ard me

to be a life changer

to be a wise and yet well paid teacher who is well loved and impactful to the lives of my students

to be given breakthroughs in life.

to be patient and not to think so hard all the time, but trust and believe.

this i pray and i believe in jesus name. amen:)

once in a lifetime

2010-12-22T23:58:00.002+08:00

once in a lifetime, means there is no second chance. i believe that u and me, shld grab it while we can and make it last forever.

but i guess, i blew it all in one month. i miss jia en i miss may, how i wish u two were here to lend me ur shoulder because i am feeling so weak now:(

just a dream

2010-12-20T19:51:00.001+08:00

just a dream, sam tsui& christina version
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2RA0vsZXf8

whenever i listen to it, it reminds me abt the fun and beautiful time we talk abt FRANKING, and SAMING hahaha

i know that day wld come back, because it was not just a dream! it will be a reality we will live to enjoy:)

leaving on a jet plane

2010-12-20T11:38:00.002+08:00

i am ready to leave on a jet plane, and i dont know when i am gonna be back again. hopefully after finding myself and depositing all these burdens cares and sorrow somewhere somehow. i wld be ready to start life all over again.

i miss those days when i used to be carefree and happy. i miss ben!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymA4CjuhJAA

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Guitar Solo

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

i just dedicate this post to u two

2010-12-19T12:06:00.004+08:00

Thanks for being the colours that lit the dullness of life. u two have been the most awesome thing that happened to me. I have never been able to thank god enough for everything that happen. to the smiles, the joys, the lameness the extortions and EVERYTHING else, because u two just rock my world.

in the deepest of valley, u two are like rapenzal that throws down ur hair even though they are not long. and yet is willing to tie many more hair extensions just to reach me even though u know its gonna hurt real bad! i am touched, and i feel loved!:) and this post is dedicated to u two. if i can thank god for the things he has blessed me with this christmas, then it wld be you two, MAY CHUA AND JIAEN! thanks for making ben, BENJAMIN!( well what i wanted to making me COMPLETE!) hahahaha

u two are deeply loved, badly missed and will always be favoured:)

it feels so special

2009-10-16T18:05:00.002+08:00

there she sat, someone special that i wish i had
as she came, it felt so different. Never had i hope for but amazingly it is coming back all over again. when i thought that all was lost but she i knew becomes the glimmer of light that warms my heart and brings hope into life. As i walk thru this long and winding tunnel of uncertainity, there i see the light and this special assurance that speaks of hope and beauty! whatever that people may say, but cuteness and beauty is the only thing to the eyes of the beholder. time together felt like that Grapes that are sour when u cant have it, but when it is in ur mouth, u just wanna have more and more.

Joyousness is definintely an understatement when i have her ard.
and i have never seen such beautiful hope =D.
thank you for being you =D

hopefully found

2009-07-07T12:03:00.002+08:00

i always love these stories, when the lost coin is found, when the lost sheep is found, and the prodigical son was lost and yet found again. I love it when i see how much joy there is when things are found again. I am so glad things are back on track again! and i thank you heavenly father, you're awesome. In you, all things will be yes and amen! all things are made possible in you daddy god! all things!

I will Believe

2009-06-24T23:43:00.003+08:00

THe disillusionating life, the upsets of this world. Constant of changes. But the love of daddy god for me, will be unchanging, and it will be my strength! i believe not in what this world will give or will be. But i believe in what i can achieve with daddy god!i hope because i know that his love will fulfil my hopes, and answer my care. Lifting me up above all circumstances and cares! just because he loves me:) amen!

I believe, I believe!!!:D

Till the end..

2009-06-21T19:06:00.002+08:00

Till the end, david tao

"All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's haunting me all night

I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I had
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share

(Chorus)In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'd always be
With you until the very end

(Chorus)In this world
There is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it allI knew you'd come to see
That you're the one
Till the end

All my friends around me
Say you'll be gone too soon
Baby, I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home

(Chorus)In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'd always be
With you until the very end(Chorus)

In this world
There is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it allI knew you'd come to see
That you're the one
Till the end
We'll always be
Till the end"

in the strangest of places, in the least expected place, i chance upon this. The song that bounds my heart to that one. I believe, i am changed. It always bring back sweet memories. And i know that this memories will be till the end. Maybe not this relationship, but i give thanks to you daddy god for the had been :) u are the most gracious! i am greatly blessed, highly favuoured, deeplyloved

If i may fail

2009-06-18T10:24:00.000+08:00

If i may fail, the cross prevails, forgiveness stands and you bring me back again.

FOr those you predestine, you call! for those you call, you justify and for those you justify YOU GLORIFY! a simple sentence tat simply lights out the glory we will have thru our days! and may all glory go to you!:D

12th june is over!

2009-06-13T03:09:00.002+08:00

phew that marks the end of the week. And its 1 more week closer to holiday!! hahaha.. 2-3more weeks to ORD-ing from my work! hahaha.. well work gets more and more hectic boring and mundane! i am so not looking forward to it! and guess what i pass my trainer 2 test! woots! give jesus all the praise! for it is he in me that acheive great thigns! and i so look forward to my rest. And why m i still up now? i dont know?!?! it seems fun to be so:D!! hahaha! enjoyed the chat with my bfff!! what an awesome friend daddy god you have place in my life! its for you to keep:D! praise you with all my heart!:D

thy

2009-06-11T13:57:00.002+08:00

as you've gave, nothing but love.
this life so sweet you deliver.
endless faith, promising hopes.
we believe, thru this love we are conqueoror
as we cry, you comfort,
as we falter, you deliver
as we circum, you conqueor.

we are losers but in you we are winner
we are sinners but in you we are heroes
we are sickness but in you we are wholeness

in you the life is more abundantly. In the scorching of the day, you are there as clouds. in the dark and chilly of the night, you are the fire that lights the path.
you are the one i love, my hope, my strenght, and its in you, my life will be above all:)
You are grace, love, blessings. And with you, i am all in all:) completely whole!

Arms open wide

2009-06-08T13:46:00.003+08:00

ARMS OPEN WIDE -Hillsongs

Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God

Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine
My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way

Oh here I standArms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

I guess this lyrics says it all. A simple worship in awe to who this amazing god is! When things are out of reach, it is limited to our ABILITIES. But if our measure of our success is only limited to what we have and what we can do, then this only this far we go. But u know as we are down, all we do is just having to stand there in the middle of this tiring gruelling and on going race and open our arms wide, and surrender ourselves. It is when daddy god takes over this race, that our success is boundless and exceeding abundantly amazing, because he will bless us according to his richness! and his grace and favours and blessings on us are boundless and limitless:) when we are down and out, lost in choices, let him be ur choice, it is when we lose our choice to choose that he bless us with the best choice to keep! i am yours and you are mine daddy god. I am changed. Thank you for blessing me with so much so much. And thanks for the revelation and i finally understand how we can rejoice in our infirimites that thru that grace will super exceedingly abound on us:) thank you for an amazing bfff. Jesus, my lord my life:) Let all of them be highly favoured, greatly blessed and deeply loved.

*I called you answer, and you have came to my rescue!*

one step forward!

2009-06-07T17:02:00.003+08:00

Hope, the constant expectation of good! When i depended on humans love to fill the void of cares, i will only get broken hearted. I only saw how incapable i am in love, but i have never seen myself being the one receiving it. There was one who was out there, showering his love on me, but all i tht it was, was rain and droplets that wet me. He's awesome, he's undying, he comes in different way, thru different means to speak to you. There he stood by me and gave me a hug, he told me that" i love you" how assuring and how gracious. and thru his love comes faith and hope. Dont see hope as a thing that would materialize. but believe in a hope that it will come to pass and bless me! I will believe and thru god i am changed. And it is always nice to know that there's someone who cares out there:)

Thank you daddy god for having someone so awesome and blessed to step into this bed of roses in my walk and pull me out of it and she came by saying, BEN, there's another route here, the GODLY GRACED AND BLESSED ROUTE. Its painless and its joyful, its filled with love, cares and hope. When you're tired there's a chair just by ur butt, when ur hot, the wind will come, and when ur feeling hungry, the birds and the bees will serve u the best tasting food on earth. simply HEAVENLY! There u put her by my side to listen to my rants and take the beatings of breaking faith but she never gives up. such undying cares and concern, only you could choose the right one right place right time just for me. An awesome bfff she is, one that daddy god bless in my life. thank you. she is totally awesome. and if i were to count my blessings, she is the one times big one that will be always shining. Keep this friendship for us alright! i know you hear me:D god bless you bfff! totally miss ur company but god is a great company as well. though i may not say it, but u'll always be kept by my heart. I will run to you when u're in need. I will laugh with you when u're having the laughing gas. and i will fight for you when u're down. god is my strenght he is my wisdom to pull anything off for u! and thank god for a simply amazing bfff, uniquely one, simply stunning!:D

knock..knock..knock.........

2009-06-04T08:59:00.002+08:00

In the shell, comfortable i am. Who may come at the door of his temple. Entertain i will but enthusiastic i doubt. Scars and the bruises are not healed. As i reside in there in this quiet place. Deep down i know how i look, how i present how i am. Horrendous is the only expression of my heart to what i am. Disappointed and down, this walk still has to go. Learning to accept rather than forgetting it. This walk is like on a bed of roses. Beautiful but painful. Despite of it all, i will still have to walk it. Who would understand the pain until they set foot on it? There the sign says, you have overcome, and when i look right ahead, the walk is still long. 1.5years have gone, what is another 2-3 months more? I want to hope i want to believe. but i am not strong enough to. There i am i crawl back into the shelf. people may come, but i m resolute to remain in that shelf.

shell

2009-06-02T21:53:00.002+08:00

when u realise it you fear, you dare not hope. You dare not believe. Withdrawn i am, i am keeping myself in, i dare not show. Its no longer a walk with pride but its a moulding of being right. What is right? i dare not say. Who am i to distinguish the right or wrong? the good or the bad. I do not even know myself what i am? who i will become what i can do. I am at lost now. Fear stricken i am. I am surrendering, i am hiding. In a temple of whom i trust. I am finding myself yet again. 1.5 years seems pretty long, but it still feels so yesterday. The words that tore still resounds. Why are his words no longer loud enough? i know i got to face it someday. So why not now. I will hide into this shell while i take this walk. Fear of the mirrors that walk me out or his temple. I will be still but my heart tells me i cant. I fear i tear but i dare not show. Painful it is, tiring it may be, tortorous is the sound, i know it all, but i will be still. I want to believe but i dare not. I am lost, torn and distraught. who hears my call. I hope you do. i hope you do. surrended i am, i hide in this shell. another few more months? who knows the length of this timidness would be, but i just look forward to do day i am out. really, the day i am out.

Get me some weights!!

2009-06-01T17:42:00.001+08:00

MY GOODNESS!! can anyone help me find the knob for the tap or get me some weights to weigh down my nose to help me stop my nose from running PLEASE!! hahaha.... It just cant stop running!!! MY GOODNESS! Sniffs sniffs, blows blows. Sniffs sniffs... its getting so irritating!! ARGH!!! NOSE PLEASE STOP RUNNING!!! Only god can chase it down!! i am tired of chasing it back!LOL!

Realising..

2009-05-31T12:23:00.003+08:00

As the night falls, its time to call it a day. i head to the back stage to take off the costumes, the mask, the make up and whatever not. As I headed to the mirror and started to see myself behind the mask that i have been wearing on throughout this performance. Somehow or rather i just hoped and i tried believing that after this show, the blemishes and the bruises from the fall before the show wld be gone. This hope...But somehow as the mask is slowly unveiled, the disappointment slowly creeps in. i've slowly unveiled to see how ugly the inside of it is. The inches as it is lifted as the increasing measurement in the sore right deep down. As I slowly roll up my sleeves of my costumes in hope for the bruises to be healed, unsurprisingly its still there. There i stand in front of a mirror naked in pain and bruises. Blemishes are the sight, imperfection is the thought and horrendousness is the sum.

There i headed into the showers, drowning myself under the endless running water. I rubbed and rubbed, its stil there. I scrubbed and scrubbed AND ITS STILL THERE! i just emptied mybottle of soap and shampoo on this bruises and blemishes its still there!!! why god, why havent it been removed? is this the promise you give ur son who u're well pleased? have u not forsaken your precious son, christ for me? The water is unending and its running. it doesnt seem like it would stop, so are the hurts and cares. They seem to be so permanent in the front of my eyes. I thought i moved on, i thought that it was all over, i thought that it was healed, all are but just thoughts and self deception to tell myself, its alright its over. But deep down, it was never its alright, but its more of I SUCK. It was never let's move on, but its more of I AM STANDING HERE UNTIL SHE COMES TO LIFT ME UP! childish is the one who writes. Despair is the one who's ranting now.

As i stand there under the shower, i refuse to come out. And the lights went out! The water went off! There i stood alone in the dark. Lonely and empty. I CRIED. WHERE ARE U NOW GOD!! I NEED YOU! I AM SO SCARED!!!! GOD!! WHERE ARE YOU!! DO YOU NOT HEAR YOUR SON CRIES FOR YOU! and somehow or rather someone found their way into this backstage, he came with a torch, and he knocked on my door. "are you alright son? It's me, your abba father, the one you've been calling out to." Ignorant and angered, why dont you let me bathe on and wash myself clean? Why turn MY LIGHTS OFF WHEN I AM "ENJOYING MYSELF" He just told me this" RIght in that light, under that water? were you bathing? or are you drowning yourself? drowning in all your endless cares and worries! have you not wash enough and trust me? U see as i come to you in this darkness you know what my light can do? i shine your way. But if you are always full of your worries and cares IN YOUR LIGHT, you will never know where is the path of truth your way your life and take paths of road for granted. Come my son, let me cloth in you in my glorious robe, dont fall sick as the weather out is chilly. As you dawn on my robe, my words now look at your hand? see the robe covers your blemishes. Fix your eyes in me, and fit yourself in ME and that everything under me is well taken care of. The blemishes the bruises the wounds and the cares. Come let me lead you out. Its time you become and audience and let me put a good show for you to see!" Let me unveil the beauty of a good show!

*anyway bff, thanks for everything. i always tht i knew but i dont. I guess its 1.5years of self denial and self frustration that has been kept in me. I am changed in christ and i m just looking forward to move on. Tired and frustrated, its time to rest. House in god i dwell in, rest and relax. Join me if you're tired. He will move on in our life even when i am at rest. There's so much i can do. But he will be the one that differentiates me from a human to a CONQUEROR OF LIFE! You will be blessed! I know, cause he told me so? he told me that, you are favoured above all. How i know? the peace in my heart that follows:) Thanks for being the best bff i can have. I wont trade anything for you. And god will keep us. thanks:)!

Pauline Case:)

2009-05-16T00:24:00.005+08:00

Before you start, Plug in ur mp3, tune in to i see grace:) this will make this post a little more meaningful:)

Well, you know i just wanna dedicated this post to a really really really amazing bff(F) i knew at work. Through out this 1.5 month, the time working together was so fun man. And right now, i am starting to miss the days of you not being in the office. We can laugh together at the slightest of things, the combat of the zz monster with pillay, the awesome smelling janet hair, or the mutated frog.. Raaaa Bitt.... Whatever not, we can laugh about. Our days have never this word, bored! everything else may suck, but with you around, you made it, Fabulous! thats the word. I guess this is what i call the qara moment then. The right place, right time, right moment and right happening just together.

Whenever i am feeling down, you have never failed to cheer me up. You hear what i say, you understand how i feel, and you care so sincerely and so heart felt. I've never felt so cared for after so long you know that? Who would sit beside me patiently and say, benjamin, are you ok? and who would constantly do things just to perk me up. Non-irritatedly, but graciously, with so much patient. For this period of my tiring walk, only you. I guess only you would come and ask me how was my night, how did tuition went and how was everything else. I guess that was why you meant so much. So much as a friend. I am touched, every bit, and i cant tell you how greatful i am. I still remembered being cranky and having to go all the way back just to take my wallet. But instead of going home first, u kept me company. U knew it would mean being so much warmer, so much sweatier which ultimately would make u cranky, but by grace, u just accompanied me when i needed someone to rant to. Stunningly, instead of being cranky, u were just so close and understanding. U spoke with your heart and felt with your heart. All this are heart felt. The sweetest memories i would take along life.

When i was sick, you put in so much effort just to make me fine. You made recipes and whatever not, you constantly cared, and yes, feeling sick never felt so good i guess? being pampered and stuff is totally awesome. Who would care and only say get well. But your get well came with heart felt effort made to make things all well just for me. Who would do so much. who would care so much. only a friend like you. I may constantly shake my leg, and claim that it is a habit. You never persisited to change my habit. Though at times, it sucks to get beaten, but it felt good in the heart because you cared. In times like this, what can i ask for, but a blessing like you.

At the end, thanks for being around, thanks for being you. As long as this blog is around, this post will remain. It will speak of all the great things you have done. Rmbr our promise? yes, it will be a blessing to me if i gotta fulfil it someday. but i just hope that god will bless u with your heart desires. In this life, let us be king of our circumstances alright? things may fall, lives may falter, but god words never fade. And in this life, Love from the god is the greatest. Because, With love, there comes faith and hope. And this love is always with us. Like a father, he cares. we may not understand, we may not comprehend, we may not like, we may even dislike, but even a mortal father love us so immensely, what more him. He will make all things come to pass. Just for you. Because he loves you. Through circumstances, he will bless you through it, Even when the oceans rise, and thunder roars, but he says to you, he will soar with you and keep you still. And he says that he WIll answer you each time you call. He hears you, he know's your heart. He's by you every second every day. You have not been forsaken but is loved. His hand is by you guiding you through. His arms are behind you just in case u fall, to catch u safely. His heart is there to understand. This is our god:) King of heaven exalted above all, just for you! always loving, always caring, always understanding and always there. god bless you:)

*When i look to the cross i see, i see grace, suit by his sacrifice, i see love, reaching for us. Precious blood, washes and sancitifices healing flows, setting us free:) WE SEE GRACE!!

thank you for being you and being there once again. These memories, are not kept in my mind, but embedded in my heart. thanks again:)

With so so much appreciation,

Your bff(F),

Benjamin =)

freely u gave

2009-03-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

As life takes its toll on us, what lies before us is a vast sea. It is filled with judgement, condemnation, trials and tribulations. As i wonder, how am i gonna get across to the shore on the other side where pastures are green, where i am promised of a better life. I decided to take a swim in it in an attempt to cross it. As i paddle and stroke, i huff and puff and putting in every ounce of strength i've got but i almost died of exhaustation and had to turn back. I fell back to ground zero to where i started. I sat there feeling anguish, distraught. Not only did i not make it across, i totally exhausted every bit of life and energy in me. I sat there laying hapless and devastated submitting to every word in murphy's law "whatever can go wrong WILL GO WRONG".

Then some guy walked up to me and asked me, son do u need help? A hapless me told him, what help can i get? ITS IMPOSSIBLE! JUST LOOK AT THE SEA, even when i m trained to swim, i cant even make it across. The rumbling waves and the impeding storms makes it inhumane to even take a dip into the water. and moreover u look pretty SCRAWNY i highly doubt ur capacity of carrying me across u know?

But this guy replied this, why would things be IMPOSSIBLE? you are only looking at ur circumstances. your world in YOUR EYES. your life OVER MINE. Close your eyes and give me a chance. in my world, IMPOSSIBLE only means It Must be POSSIBLE cuz, I M POSSIBLE. let me help you up and climb on my back son. You must be tired, just lean on me. As i was lifted up onto his back, i felt so comfortable as though it was a bed, the scrawny frame now felt so musculine yet comfortable and assuring. As he started setting foot, he just walked and walked and walked as i slept on his back.

A few moments later, he woke me up and say son, just open ur eyes! I CANT BELIEVE IT, i'm over the waters, above the storms AND YET I AM SO STILL. He held me so firmly that i never tht i would fall and said What the world seems to be to you in your eyes isnt a reflection of mine to you. Circumstances may rumble and things may falter, impossiblity seems to be so adamant, but then its where u put ur heart in and where u fix your eyes on that really matters. As he walked me all the way across to the shore, he told me this,"i m always beside you, you know. even if the whole world may seems to be against you, i m for you. even if u fail may dont be afraid, with me by your side people only see perfection in ur works and in you. and whenever you are feeling weak, just fall, just go ahead and fall at my feet cuz i am always beside you. Loving you caring for you and showering you with every bit of love . And just know that i am definitely dependable. Just let me take the wheel, let me drive you along. u're only human. Even if every thing in this world may fail you, all i need is just to trust me, and give me a chance. because I WILL NEVER FAIL YOU SON. For servants and kings all i've rescued, and u are my beloved why wld i leave u in a lurch. come to me anytime anywhere. I M HERE WITH YOU!"

and he left but i know he will be back whenever i need him, cuz peace feels my heart and i no longer see the sea behind me cuz it has dried up and its the cool breeze that fills the air now =). emmanuel.

A broken umbrella

2009-02-28T06:41:00.000+08:00

It alll started in a walk. As i'd arrive at a foreign place, i look ard and ask my friends, hmm where do u think we are because we were looking for a place called yeh liu geological, in taiwan where there are awesome rock formations, a beauty bestowed from god! Then a "condifent" friend said to us and pointed to a VERY GENERAL DIRECTION, that the sea is OVER THERE! So we headed out and walked and walked and walked. As we headed on to our GENERAL DIRECTION, the wind grew stronger by the seconds and walking AGAINST IT getting tougher and tougher. The rain fell astoundingly fast and stronger AGAINST US as well as we headed towards a tunnel. Then we tht, hmmm..at the light at the end of the tunnel is definitely an exit out of the darkness! WOOTS!!, But, it turns out to be the light is a bulb from a charging bullet train charging towards us.As soon as we reached the end of the tunnel, indeed that IS THE SEA, BUT WE ARE LOST! the worst part, we are in the middle of some DESERTED ROAD, and the wind was INSANE, the waves SWEPT UP TO THE ROADS, and the rain drops just didnt stop. Thru' the walk, we equipped ourselves with umbrellas. And of the 7 of us, MY UMBRELLA BROKE =X(AS U CAN SEE IN THE PICTURE IT WAS LIKE HALF BROKEN), and the rest of them had their metal bars in their umbrella BADLY BENT. And well, to illustrate how strong the wind was at the DESERTED ROAD, my friend actually had his umbrella faced the direction of the wind, and the umbrella cld actually STICKED ON HIS FACE WITH HIS OUTLINE of his HEAD WRAPPED OUT BY THE UMBRELLA! AND YES THE WIND WAS DAMN STRONG! zzz... and hence we decided to go back and tht that we had to boycott this planned trip after travelling for like 2 hours. AND AS WE WALKED BACK! we realised that the location for the YEH LIU geological park is ACTUALLY BEHIND US! with the signs all drawn out SO PROMINIENTLY! and yes? i seriously wonder how we missed it. THE SIGNS WERE LIKE THIS BIG!!!!YES THIS BIG!

But after all this, god spoke to me and yes in a very hilarious way. Thru' this experience with the strong winds, raging seas and unforgiving rain that kept blowing AGAINST us and yet we persisted really speaks alot to me. As daddy god draws out choices for us to make, we pick them and i know that our daddy god will bless the choices we make and make them work in our favours. And so we set out choosing a place to go to, and we head out. I just realise that at times after making our choices, we put alot of self effort into attaining whatever we want and we've always forgotten that our god is there to make this walk as easy as soaring with the wind. N with self effort soon, we'll meet circumstances that are gonna make us BROKEN and bruise(like how the strong wind blew against us and the rain fell on us) because there's always a certain limitation that our flesh can carry us to. And as we hit our saturation point and GIVE UP and let daddy god took control over our circumstances(as we turn ard and boycott our planned trip), he will BLESS US and lift us up from where we fell from and bring us to our goal definitely moreover blessing us with 30folds 60folds and a 100folds(as we finally reached our destination, and thoroughly enjoyed it and took many beautiful photos)! Let us be at rest and let god do the rest! how awesome our god is! and it was a great revalation after such an wonderful trip! thank god for everything man WOOTS

"when the oceans RISE and thunder ROARS, I will soar with u ABOVE the STORMS!"

and i will be still and know you are god!

Above All

2009-02-15T15:06:00.000+08:00

ABOVE ALL- Michael W . SMith [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7Sn5rV6oM0]

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Well as i lay back and wonder, why would i be down and so sad many a times. i thought that if life gives me a 100reasons to be sad, i shld find 101reasons to make myself happy? then again i tht why do i need so many reasons to be happy and be proud of who i am? I only need one reason and THat is JESUS! as the song goes, above all, jesus is indeed above all, but imagine someone of such glory beacuse he is above all THINGS MADE IN THIS WORLD but suffering so much indignation and humiliation, like a rose trampled on the ground you took the fall and yet u didnt bothered abt ur circumstances and THOUGHT OF ME! ABOVE ALL YOUR TRIALS! cuz u thought of me above all. How sweet that makes life to be today! to be actually regarded so greatly and cherished by someone so dear despite his status, he stooped down to be trampled just for ME, a boy who only is sin without christ? aint that A WONDERFUL reason to make you smile and brighten up ur day? i am sure it will be. knowing that it is not man who makes me who i am but god that is for who i am! i AM ABOVE ALL in christ for he put me above EVERYTHING as he is made down to bring us up from where we are!

we may be down to nothing but god is definitely up to something! beautiful you are lord. i am indeed above all because u place me above all ur circumstances for even when you are above all u got trampled just for me. n yes ABOVE ALL!

Running the G way

2009-01-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

Life is like a race. There are many ways we can run it and each with varying results. If we run it half heartedly, we struggle to complete. If we put in effort, we will only meet the mark. If we dun even try because we are afriad to fail we arent even started. However I realise that there's actually 1 way that we can ACE the RACE. and thats putting God in our RACE so that we get GRACE in the RACE. So let's put daddy god in all our races. let us not be no.1 LET US BE WORLD BEATERS!=) amen!

insanity's bliss

2009-01-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA!! LOL!! HEHEH!! i guess for those who have been around me recently have been hearing quite alot of my nonsensical nonsense, "JOKES" and laughter. But guys dont worry, I M PERFECTLY FINE!(shld i say an amen to that? AMEN!) yup but indeed i m really glad that i've stepped into the dektos 2009, the acceptable year of the lord.

i tht that a song perfectly fit my joy-

LORD OF ALL-hillsong =)

"We're gonna shout out loud, its time to let it out
It's your life in me for all to see.
'Cause our God reigns always till the end of days
We're gonna stand strong, stand tall
'Cause Jesus Christ is Lord of all."

indeed lord of all. at the start of 2008, i just remembered myself being so EMO because of those sticky relationship problems that made me confine to myself and the thought of laughing n being joyous was totally sick last year. But this year i tht i felt perfectly different. this year, i've an awesome daddy god, i've a wonderful family, i've an amazing CG, i've got wonderful friends! i've got everything cuz daddy god is my all in all=) that is like perfectly great for me! as the lyrics goes like we are gonna shout out loud, and yup its time for me to let it all out, as its HIS LIFE IN ME FOR ALL TO SEE.yup n i so wanna let everyone ard me see how joyous i m with daddy god in my life. how he has manifested so much blessings on me! i m so totally happy!i feel so relax and comfortable with daddy god. U know many people may feel that its totally stupid to be crappy, lame and nonsensical. some may feel its kinda immature, but to me all i care abt is feeling secure in daddy god! thats all i need to be, who cares abt being immature when u can bring a smile to brighten someone's day=) its a greater joy then feeling embarrass and thinking abt so much! I m righteous n christ, i m my daddy god beloved! thats all that matter to me:) n well shepherd n everyone ard me, dun worry daddy god places limits i will reach! anything beyong wld be self effort! i trust daddy god with my joy laughter and heart! n dun worry i know when to be serious:) hahaha!! blessed time and enjoy laughing ur way! laughter keeps the woes away!(cool i actually came out with an idiom)LOL!!blessed week everyone n LISTEN TO THAT SONG ITS GREAT!=)

A new christmas:)

2008-12-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

"We were the reason that he gave his life, we were the reason that he suffered n died, to a world that was lost he gave, all he could give, to show us the reason to live." - we were the reason

this was the song that impacted me so deeply on the christmas service i came last year. I still rmbered vividly that i came here with a heart load of doubts, sorrow n uncertainities. It was my first time i ever go to a church alone and it was with a heart of despair and emptiness. At that time, i never understood what love was. To me, love at that time was just merely a care, concern n understanding by a mortal being? thats all that was love to me. N when u lose it, u just realise how OUT OF LOVE u are. BLAming everything and anything, right down to yourself. But when the song came upon, i rmbr listening to it once. N as the worship leader sang it with such conviction, i suddenly felt a flow in me. N this flow is just a very very comforting feeling and it speaks," u arent out of love, i m LOVE to you son, u are not to be blame, u r not to be blame."and right at that moment, it was like a breaking point. A break out of the mortal lifestyle of despair and dependancy. especially when the lyrics went on like "TO A WORLD THAT WAS LOST, HE GAVE ALL HE COULD GIVE... WE WERE THE REASON" i am the reason why he died on the cross!! That alone is so heart warming, cuz he wld die to save someone like me? a sinner? a "loser" who did everything wrong. How comforting is that when u tht that everything was against u and yet someone wld stand by u!

well, this year christmas service, as this song came along again. IT made me think back abt all the thts that i use to carry during the last service and thinking abt how i was transformed since then! I realise that, yeah man, this indeed is a whole new christmas to me. It bears a different meaning to me now! its no longer a christmas which i m despairing but instead m rejoicing over daddy god's gift to us. N i dunno how to put it. but to me, i m a living testimony for myselff!!LOL!!! but yeah, i just know that daddy god can transform us and HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS. he will never forsake us nor leave us! n he will always be by us all the time. our comforter, lover cuz we are the reason:) BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

Apple of his eye!!

2008-12-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

"So close I believe
You're holding me now
In Your Hands I belong
You'll never let me go"

from the song "so close"

and that was the song flirting ard in my head when pastor daniel preached abt this verse, psalm 17:8( Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings)the apple of your eye depicts us being BELOVED and DEARY in our abba fathers eyes! i particularly love this verse because i love the feeling of being loved by our daddy god! he gives this sense of security. this constant assurance that, "SON, everything is gonna be alright" in trying circumstances, like i had one with the DENTIST on friday when he was trying to meddle ard with my teeth!??!! seriously the pain was excruciating!but then i just kept looking at the cross and i had this song"so close" in my mind. i know,though its something insignificant,LIKE OUCH a short and seemingly meaningless visit to the dentist, but his ability to work comfort thru ur heart n care abt the tinest of things really is refreshing n lovely! THe experience is awesome man! from the cringing of my mouth and grabbing of my pants transformed to a comforting grip on my hand and it was totally relaxed knowing that he was with me! wow!! n soon after IT WAS DONE:)

God's love is simply amazing! its something u dun need to comprehend! just feel it! as simple as ABC. this is something that the more u try, the more u wont get it cuz it wld be plainly self effort!God calls us beloved because of his phenomenal amount of love he has for us! n this just is so assuring cuz u know he reserves abundance of favours and grace just specially for u! unique to each and everyone of us! n yup daddy god! continue to bless each n everyone of us! beautiful love, and wonderful saviour, god there is none like u!!

Just believe!

2008-11-16T17:06:00.000+08:00

Well i had an awesome time at service yesterday! the praise n worship was good! the word was superb! n the company was even more amazing!! the coolest part of all was that i actually met my really really close friend IN CHURCH!!WHAT COINCIDENCE MAN! amazing what god can do to people huh! u transform them n then u glorify them! WOW!!amazing daddy god that i have!

well sometimes when things of this worl actually crumbles, u feel lost at times, at times u feel like the whole world is against u, n like daddy god isnt there when u need him the most! but yesterday message was really impeccable and amazing! the word is just to BELIEVE in daddy god!Believe that daddy god can do everything for u! and all we have to do is just to give our everything to him and let him do the rest=) u know the amazing thing abt our daddy is that he comes in different ways, each to our needs!! when we need someone to love, he wld be our beloved abba father, hovering his wings over us, sheltering us from all problems and troubles of this earth keeping us close and comfy under his wings. whenever we are down, he wld be our best friend, lending us his shoulder to cry on, his ears to listen and his heart to confide to:) n whenever we are sick, he comes as a healer, healing us! as healing flows from his arms! and whenever there is a problem, he wld be our DA GE! standing up for us and settling all the big and small problems for us and all we have to do is just to sit there and wait for the problems to place as our footstool:)

what amazing father we have! how great is our god man!!so to my beloved cg when u suddenly sneeze for no reasons, just know that i was praying for u!!:) dont be astonished! just go like AMEN! regardless of exams big or small, our daddy god will overcome it! footstools to our leg! let him face the problem while u will be at rest! n trust that he delivers because he never fail us:)n nothing will ever change that! believe n let not u be the one who face this problem! let daddy god ace it!! favours, blessings, love be of urs!!in jesus name!

//jesus u're my best friend, u'll always be, n nothing will ever change that:)//

//i believe u're my healer, u're my portion//

True love;god's way

2008-11-07T21:31:00.000+08:00

well!! today, okok... yesterday marked a wonderful session of fellowship. One which i particularly enjoyed! come on! its not abt the joy that happen ON THAT DAY! but it was his words, his people and his presence that made it superbly wonderful!

well for sometime i have been pondering abt god and love.. what is love in god definition that i could refer to. then i stumbled upon this in the bible, 1john 4:16 (NIV) "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. "and for this, we know that this love god has for us is perfect! it hides no fear and no condemnation!

1john4:17"as he is, By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.

18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

Well, in short i wld summarize this(SPECIALLY FOR MY BELOVED CG=) )

In life, we should never build it on approvals or fear of man as god calls these as the UNCERTAINTIES that will rock our beliefs! BUt instead, build it on the rock solid love of god that is unshakable! THis love is easy to comprehend, nothing about understanding but experiencing. It is the peace to tide us through fears. Through LOVE, HOPE & FAITH COMES:) With this love, life is simply an ease because we are always assured and taken care of =)

//In the darkness god's light shines! christ forever glorified!

As your mercy flows like a river wide.And healing comes in Your Name
Helpless children are safe in Your arms
And there is none like you

Jesus all our worth is found in you, as god u reign in this life as u have bought me with the highest price! and in ur righteousness lord we will stand!

u're my strength when i am weak, you;re the treasure that i seek, jesus u're my all in all//

simplicity always a bliss!

2008-10-26T14:45:00.000+08:00

Well, i can finally shout out to the unconcern people out there, I M 20!! hahahahahah!! n yeah as people always say, age is just a number! what is more important is the stuff inside! well, i totally am blessed to have my cg giving me a "surprise" birthday celebration! well, it was a bit confusing, but sweet though! I guess it really took a great deal of effort n i guess the most powerful take away was the prayer when i was being prayed for! so much went thru me! i cld feel myself growing n glowing from the inside out. At the end, the whole day was totally made perfect!ALL GLORY TO OUR DADDY GOD!! n the most amazing thing was when i saw how god spoke to my cg cuz amazingly i didnt have a cake!!!!! WHICH IS A YAY!! TO ME! cuz if u guys dunno, let me fill u in, i totally dont take eggs.. mainly due to allergy?LOL!n the chocolate replacement was literally sweet!!!thank god i prayed before eating or else i would be tonnes heavier and wld totally make a difference in the lifts?!?! HAHAHAH!!

n to my beloved cg, of all material things that has been bestowed to me thru my friends, the best gifts i've got this year is the friendships i have with u guys that god bestowed me with. i totally thank god for each and every brother and sister around in the cg! n u guys are BIG BIG GIFTS TO ME! no amount of money can get me such sincere, holy and closely tied brother and sister hood! and u know what totallly top them all up! it is the short and simple messages written individually to me, yet lovely and touching! i couldnt ask for more.. i couldnt ask for more! thank god! n i m sure god wld manifest his works thru me and that i would be a blessing to u guys not a tyrant!LOL!!BFG!!!

well i may not know how each and everyone of u is feeling but i know our daddy wld. even the most microscopic problem, our daddy wld handle it for us! look at his finish work! look at his love for us! i know our lord will manifest greatly in ur life! god bless one and all!!

Moving On..i cant wait to ORD!!:)

2008-09-26T10:53:00.003+08:00

hahahah!! well what a chilly stormy n wet morning it is man!and amazingly its a friday n i m at home!! WEEE!! n its so great cuz i can get to meet my cellgrp for ONCE on a weekday!! all grace from our lord! hahahaha!! so i really thank god for it n totally look forward to the session of sharing n worship!! all glory to him! well, i guess life in my organisation has reached a milestone after completeing all the neccessary things to ORD:) wow! i m so ecstatic man! finally! well thru out this time i was so busy clearing my annual shoots, my fitness tests, my outfield exercises n finally all has come to a full stop!:) well definitely i wld be glad! but definitely missing the company i m so used to! almost to the very fact that i may take them for granted! and all honour n cheers to my platoon mate! though we are small, we are strong! that very fact that persist on makes us outstandingly united, where everyone has our own strengths n weakness to complement one another so well!n well i just wanna extend my gratitude to two of my beloved platoon mates that are leaving us, one of them john tan who hasnt been with us for long but we have always known his jovious smilen his warm attitude! always funny n always spontaneous! next is darren ong! LITTLE KC!! hahaha.. finally he has his dreams fulfiled! he has been offered a scholarship by the airforce n he is going to be an officer! amazingly true! his addition in our platoon was so wonderful! its thoroughly a blessing to have in! N DEFINITELY HIS GAYNESS WILL BE MISSED! NOT BY ME BUT THE REST OF THEM!LOL!! especially ah loong! all the best bros! we are always one! SHOOT TO KILL!!:D

life has been pretty meaningful, enjoy it n leave it! i just got kinda stunned on what to update on but anyhow CALL ME OR MSN ME ITS THE BEST WAY:D

There is None like you..

2008-08-20T02:17:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwgz_js5zrg&feature=related , this song is entitled, THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU! somehow or rather i suddenly had this connection with this song! i kinda am able to really sing it from my heart. I really doubt how it sounds but at least i didnt go off tune I THINK! but somehow the simple lyrics goes like
"There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You "
it's really simple yet touching n meaning ful! it just glorifies how much the lord and the speical someone is to u! i highlights n embraces the very appreciation of that special someone! thank god for such a wonderful song! at least i m kept company thru my gruelling outfield for the whole of last week INCLUDING MY WEEKENDS! hahahah!! but at least i've got like 1 exercise down n 1 more to go N THATS WHAT THEY SAY! but at least i m optimistic abt it! seeing it, time really flies huh? n its like slightly less than 6 months n i m gonna ORD LOH!! YIPEE!!

thru this time, i wanna pray for my friends especially, 2 best pal, cang ning n meryl. sigh haven really gotten a chance to really talk to u guys for quite sometime already but i know the lord has kept our hearts clsoe to one another that we may never be forgotten n that the lord n me wld be there for u guys as long as u need us:) i pray the absolute success for whatever u have been up to n gonna do n will be doing! n i m sure every obstacles wld be a chance to glorify n to shine!! n i pray that saddness never dwells n joy overflows! be highly favoured, greatly blessed, n deeply love n jesus name AMEN:)

Coincidently the first step!

2008-08-10T01:16:00.002+08:00

MAN!! life has been so busy i must say!! n thanks to yi zhe n meryl!! i finally found that enjoyment of being busy with life n appreciating life as it is!! YIPPEE! how great it feels when u're busy n u've got something to look forward to every minute in life! i've been busy with my driving lately and my TP is comnig up next month!! freak!! i get so nervy on the tht of it! but i m sure i m not in this alone! god is with me and all the time!! with his finished work! i m more than capable of acheiving the unacheivable!??!?LOL!! i m so gonna pass my TP the very first attempt i take!! n thats that!! ALL THE WAY!! n to top it up are tonnes of planning for my army work which is intensifying with the vigourous training cum meetings day in day out!! yawns!! but its all worth it!! ALL FOR PRIDE!!LOL!! and today, i met up with a good friend BAO!!! hahaha.. as usual she picked me up from DOver but this time, we went to some place really close to my heart.. some place where it all started n ended.. n its sunset way, clementi. she didnt know abt amily's biz n stuff that is located there but purely had this intention to go for "HI-tea" n catch up!but then as she drove into clementi! i had this weird feeling. it is all coming back! the fear of this and that! the fear of seeing amily n how to react? worst case seeing her with ian? or probably BUmping into her family members? i seriously didnt know how to handle it man? take it like a man? sounds really easy when said! but then amazingly i cld put everything down in my heart! i could let all this fear settle down quickly all in the glory of god.. there came this surging feeling saying this. why fear all this to happen? i m in no wrong, i m righteous in god's glory and grace! why hide n why fear! there's nothing to fear!! its not abt how people look at u! but how u carry urself that really matters!!n coming to tink of it.. i kinda miss pipi!!LOL!! n thats the dog that started making me fall in love with DOGS:) n there i was.. i spend my whole afternoon there at a desert shop which i myself couldnt recall the name! but i did had a plentiful n fruitful time talking cock, nonsense and opinons man!! amazingly i cld still go on!but due to time constrain we ended! but a wonderful take away was that i guess the plan to sunset way was too purely coincidental but at least its a step god is showing to MOVE ON FROMTHIS DITCH! hahaha...why fear, why worry when nothing is there to judge u n bother u! be myself! be the man god wants me to be! not a cowardice n fearsome guy who fears every single teeny whiny details abt life! Well the greatest joy was the appreciation of the gift that i got for her!! SINS CHOCOLATE!! WEEE!! i knew it wld taste DELICIOUS!! but its so contenting to see how much people appreciate the present! it really litted up my day!! wee!! ANYWAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAO LING! IF U EVER GET TO SEE THIS!! n yea!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE WONG!! HAHAHAH!! u 2 just stay youth n young!! n u guys rock man!! thanks for everything that u've done for me! in my heart i really thank you sincerely!!its u people that makes friendship in my life so precious!!i thank god for such blessings!! amen:)

The realisation!

2008-07-25T10:11:00.002+08:00

Well, i m on block leave!! YAY!! FINALLY!! A BREAK FROM ARMY! N A TIME FOR FRIENDS!! hmm, i met jie mei at far east for WAFFLES ICE CREAM AT GELARE!! weee!! it was totally superb!! i've got nothing to say but just that it taste amazing! the chocolate tasting just right to satisfy my sweet tooth, and the waffle was like so crispy n chocolaty!! n it was yum yum!! n probably it was my fabulous choice!! PRAISE GOD!! that my waffle ice cream(vanilla chocolate) complemented so well n tasted SUPERB! LOL! after our ice cream, we decided to "WINDOW SHOP" hahahah!! not that a particularly like doing so! but at least it keeps u updated abt what there is in our modern "FASHION" market!! serious, i m a "fashion"illiterate!! hahahaha!! if anyone out there wanna help educate me, i would love to take it!!! hahahahahah!!!n yup, my day was completed with the show, DARK KNIGHT!! hahaha. the action was good! the plot was a little mundane but it was overall a good performance!! HAHAHAH!!n that sums up for 1st day of BLOCK LEAVE!!
yesterday, i met up with bao n jona!! n guses what, WE CAUGHT A MOVIE N YES!! YET AGAIN!!!n this time, it was X -files. Originially my intentionw as to finsih up the present i intended to give amily, but then due to some UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES, i was kinda force to stop work, so idecided to give myself a break at the movie! as god says, be at rest and let our lord do the REST:)we had BK for dinner and yup!! WE had a great time laughing, talking cock, n INTERROGATIN!!LOL!!x files was good!! action wise kinda intersesting, but plot n story line was FANTASTIC:) wow!! come to tink of it!! x files was like godzillian years ago!! n now its a hit in the cinema:) but themain show wasnt on the screeen!! it was two couples quarrelling!!LOL!! initally the girl wanted to leave her seat, and as she walked past her bf, her bf GRABBED HER WASTE, FLUNG HER BACK TO HER SEAT!!! OMG!! n the very next moment, the bf was up on his feet TRYING TO PULL HIS GF OFF IT!!hahaha n the next came a game, MUSICAL CHAIR!! hahahah! the 2 couples were permutating n combinating a series of how to sit together! first boy1-girl1girl2-boy2, boy1-boy2-girl2-girl1,boy1-girl2-boy2-girl1,girl2-boy2-boy1-girl1!! INTERESTING RIGHT!!LOL!!! but lets not bitch abt ppl here!! everyone has their own problems!! leave them to god!! to god, every problem is NO PROBLEM:D.
N YAY!! TODAY I M GOING SENTOSA!!! cant wait for the afternoon to come!! n my weekend is gonna be packed!!LOL!!! OMG!! I M SO ENJOYING LIFE!! i found out so much in its worth!! u know my best pal, told me this which i tht was really nice after so many unpleasant things happened before all this pleasures n fun times!! it was, god want us to be good man! not nice ones. Nice ones are those who are trampled over n still keep mum abt it, knowing that they did nothing wrong to deserve all this and is wrongly justified but is still hush abt it. but good ones are those who stand up for whats right!! as they are in god's rightenousness!! god didnt allow any word to be against him, he stand up for whats right,n whats justifiable! thats our god, the man of all man! god ransomed us making us worthless not unworthy!! see our pride in ourselves as we are always glorious in god!! God gives totally unmerited , undeserving grace to everyone who believes in him!! there he is our almighty king!!He is always there for us!! we are never alone!!we are never judge and never failers, we are never condemned!! because when he died on the cross he is judged in our place,n thru his dead!! we are healed n are son of his righteousness! n lives according to his richess!! n thank god n thanks pal for making me realise how much we are worth ni his eyes!! never condemned always loved!! n yay!! IT WLD BE A WONDERFUL BLOCK LEAVE!!
//u're all i behold as i give u all this honours!//

Reality check=)

2008-07-13T00:09:00.002+08:00

well, thursday(100708), i was at east coast park for some cohesion for my company in army! n it was a blessing because we cld get to stay out on wednesday n we cld also get a free off on FRIDAY!! WEEE!!! hahaha.... but it didnt started off in a right note because we were FORCED to run a 5km run in ECP after our half marathon! n it sucks man when u have an aching n strained calf hindering ur movement, what more RUN! but as musculine guys! we just went ahead with our jogging! but thru out the whole time at ECP, most of the time, we were like seperated as of our own platoon! n that at the end of the day, there was ZERO bonds form! PCs were like damn screwed up! one of them was totally arrogant n snobbish which i cant be bothered, and the other was really really quiet n soft spoken and is very much self centred! so what more can i say?LOL! so i just had god as a wonderful company and lasted thru it! just for the friday off!!!LOL!:D
ON friday(110708), met up with pei yi at holland village for some HI tea!! n i had to wait for her for almost an hour for beacuse she lost her "bloody" wallet!LOL!! thank god i brought along a newsweek magazine to read coincidently!n i didnt waste my time cuz i had a great time reading in starbucks with its wonderful ambience! n seriously the starbucks in holland village is good man! worth going back there!superb atmosphere! and subsequently i had to meet up with my cg for a some cgm but it turn out that everyone was late n so i had gotta give it a miss after waiting for almost an hour AGAIN under my CG leader's block and in vain!! SIGH!! wasnt it torturous! n the worst was the freaking mistakes that i kept making during my driving lessons after the long wait that made me go crazy!but enough of ranting for my day!!
LOL!!!
well today we had a basketball match with sora, sad to say, we lost but then in anothe light, in what i saw in god's eyes! i see it as a reality check, as a wake up call to be the best! u see we haven lost since we started off as a team! probably uncle was there to help us! but now we were certainly on our own! we didnt had a stand out leader.. everyone was individualistic, we didnt know what to do on n off the ball! the better players were in the own world. we didnt communicate enough, it isnt enough for a team to beat with 2 or 3 different rythem! 1 wld be more than sufficient!n what went wrong did went wrong. Overconfidence was one of the biggest issue! n i must admit, i was partially involved in the downfall of the team! sad to say yeah. it just made me realise u r not that good after all even if u win them before!! n it was jus a good enlightenment that i attain that everything u do, put in some effort, communicate, trust have faith and believe in one another! that is the key to unlock success! n unleash the best in us! i really hope this match wld be a good lesson! n deeply embedded in our heart! god bless one and all!! shalom shalom for the week! n yeah! sometimes its good to be awaken into reality but in a god centred way:) BLESSED TO ONE AND ALL!!

//trust, faith n believe!//

how does it sound?

2008-06-23T01:09:00.002+08:00

well, life has been pretty smooth for me:) i m growing from the glory of god! praise the lord! i have been blessed with amazing friends ard me, wonderful bunk n camp mates, a lovely family, n 2 really really best friends! that i cant thank god enough for them! i've been constantly attending church n have been well fed by the gospel of grace:) thru this weekend, so many saddening stuff happened to so many of my good friends.. its quite depressing but i can say that, its thru this faith in god increases! In the dark we can see how bright a pin hole is, just like in problems we can see how big god is:)he is an amazing god, who so loved us n its always the devils work that people start to doubt god, fall into depression n sorrow because of the misunderstanding that they have in god. GOd so loved us that every good thing comes from him n him alone! the devils are making use of the innocent and naive people in this planet to make us doubt oursaviour our lover! believe in christ for we are the reason that he gave his life, we are the reason that he suffered n die! believe in god's revalation! though times are bad! but god never fails to shine! n from glory to glory. at times, u may not have things go ur way as how u asked god to bless u in! but it is not necessarily a bad thing?:) well blessings that u tht may be meant for u might harm u in a long run! so why not let god decide when to bless u! cuz he is never too late, never too early, n he's always just on time! let us overrun the devil n make it a home run! trounce whoever who stands in the way of our almighty for he has blessed us with amazing strenght, vast wisdom and tons of courage! as god people! we will fight the devil till the very end! for we fear no devils:) to my pals out there.. jsut believe n look to him at the cross! look at his finish work! look at his revalations for u! i m sure god wont make a mistake because he is always so righteous:D dont be like me, who once was so gullible n naive... god loves us all:D

// break my heart for what breaks urs, everything i m for the kingdoms cause:D//
*words of gods are always so wise, always so comforting and assuring, but words from flesh, are always satisfying in a short run and are made impulsely! so be mindful!

pale with pain

2008-06-01T16:25:00.002+08:00

well, its a bright sunny day N its a sunday n finally for once i will stay home n keep my home occupied cuz i can tell that my parents kinda miss me at home! LOL!! but i manage to catch like 2 movies in this week, namely chronicles of narnia, the prince of CASPIAN! hhahah!! n next, indiana JONES.!! well both of them are good shows so do check it out:) well, i haven been smiling n laughing my heart after somethings hit me right smack into my heart. Well, to me i feel that i m a man of my world in some aspects of my life.regardless on how tough the training that i have gotta endure, i will suck it all up! no matter what hurdles life throw at me, i will put in my fullest n with no regrets! but there's one thing in my life that i haven been able to proclaim my might over. those are the affairs to the heart, in particular, relationship. since then, i must say i did move on, i really took alot of lessons out of it. but i just feel that i haven learn enough, each time when boyfriends matter are concern, i will always pale myself in comparison with my friend's bf. i just feel so inferior seeing how loving people are n regretting my actions i did wrong during my relationship. if i hadn't did wrong, i wouldnt have been in whatever i m. Sigh.. comparision comes with pain. that is why it hurts me so hard! the worst truth is that u always pale in comparison n that is why it makes it all so pain. but then an enlightening talking by my pal thru the love of god, really brought me to the right light of the whole thing, sometimes it maybe tough to be rejected but its only because the girl doesnt see the good in you, but somehow that someone will, regardless of whatever flaws we have, that someone will still deem u as flawless as perfection!..but thru it u will never learn enough. in life we are only waiting for the right one which god has entrusted us to! thank you pal! i m finally smiling! god words are always so enlightening, it alwasy give us the irrational sense of hope and the endless believe of faith n confidence! live in his words! in u i live!

Runway cycling!!

2008-05-26T18:21:00.005+08:00

HAhahah!! guess what i went for runway cycling 2008 at paya laba camp!! hahah!! aint i fit!! LOL!! that was just a joke!! U guys SHLD THANK ME FOR TICKLING U!! HAHAHAH!!here are some pictures i took...well it was pretty enjoyable because i know that i have been exercising!!! n at least i wld be less guilty stricken when i eat!!! hahahah!!well the only sad things that really hurt was when u see collisions n casualties of peolpe with badly scrapped arms n legs! n having bikes braeking apart while cycling!! that was so sad man!! i pray for the swift recovery!!

well thats the bike that god blessed me with for a safe trip!! thank god man!! hahahah!!well on a heavier note, well a friend of mine just confided to me abt her relationship. its not that anyone wld see this post, but then i just tht of sharing it to god!! thru this blog!! hahha!! u know god, why make things difficult for a loving pair? well is it really u who is making the call for the need of seperation? if so, i just hope that u wld retract this tht n well, i hope the words u gave me that i sent wld translate so much more and transform the disagreement into believes, faith n happiness!! n best of all ur blessings:) I pray that may mercy falls on them, n god! guide them from glory to glory and i know that everything good comes from god! make the problem ur footstool! n step above all!! thank you god! i pray for ur mercy n ur blessing for my friend, amily... I pray that she wld have a blessed relationship n expect so much more favour to fall on her:)i plead the blood of jesus! in the jesus name! amen!!

//so grateful that u came for me:)//

Finally back

2008-05-17T15:09:00.003+08:00

Well, i m finally back after a long n hectic month overseas:) well it was both enjoyable plus meaningful, but for some part of it, it was really strenous and INSANE! LOL!.. but well its finally over and we can say we conquered mountains and tame the wind:)

well! after coming back, i really enjoyed myself hanging out with my friends, my cell group N I REALLY MISS CHURCH SO MUCH!! hahaha.. i felt so sad when i knew that it was sunday n i couldnt go church but at least i went for a big service in the indoor stadium last sunday;) ahhah!! it was a really enjoyable service! n a take away was that we must always rmbr! never be jealous or angry? these are the acts of the dcvil which may overtake our conscious side and make us ruin our discretion:) instead god can make the situation turn it ard n benefit us instead! so never let negativity over run u! RULE OVER THEM BECAUSE GOD MADE PROBLEMS ALL GO UNDER HIS FEET:) yeah!! so thru out the break, i went with yong quan, eng yeow, shao wei, clement to party world to waste our time HAHAHA.. well it was fun ! when u see those hidden talents unleashed INCLUDING ME!! LOL!!NOT THAT I CAN SING but at least i enjoyed my time yellingn dedicating senseless english sounds! HAHAH!! n yeah!! just yesterday, i went to my best pal, meryl's stardust event! well i shld congratulate her for making it a bang YEAH! it was wonderful! n i realy enjoyed myself there!! well just that the music was slightly DEAFENING THAT time in time there was ringing in my ears!LOL!! but well i've gotta get use to it:) its a club! hahahahahah!! well but all in all it was pretty impressive seeing all the talents unleashed as thestars reach for the stars?lOL!!! cheesy... hahaha!! so god bless one and all!! till then, may everyone be HIGHLY FAVOURED, GREATLY BLESS AND DEEPLY LOVE:) CHEERS:)

//u r my strenght when i'm weak, u're the treasure that i seek, U're MY ALL IN ALL:)//

BACK IN 1 month

2008-04-08T17:26:00.002+08:00

well today marks the last day before i embark off to taiwan! sigh!! i m not gonna be whiny abt it! but truly. i m so gonna miss alot of things! from the time with my wonderful family, to the time i spend with my beloved friends to the time i spend with god in church! but i m not alone cuz i m so sure god is with me thru out the trip! n he will make sure i will be safe as i plead the blood of jesus! with his blood n strength he will watch over me n make sure i will be safe n sound:) Thank god for amazing friends like meryl n cangning.. that made me feel that i m remembered n cared for! They made me feel that my importance and thank god for them! seriously.. after amily, i always question myself on how much i m to others, cuz i dont seem to be anything in front of them n i made mysefl more of a hassle instead of help! thanks a million to u two man! u made me realise my worth of being who i am! and at least right, i can leave with a great state of mine! thank you my friends! i cant wait to be back! catch u guys soon:) god bless one and all! MAY ALLOF U BE DEEPLY LOVE, GREATLY BLESS AND HIGHLY FAVOURED! HUGS:)

*u alone i praise! cuz he is the reason! n he is awesome indeed:) hosanna in the highest:)*

u alone i praise

2008-03-31T01:43:00.002+08:00

Today, i finally went to church early because i was meeting thiam kee and ah loong to bring them to church! hehehehe!! finally i brought someone to my church! thank god for that grace:) well though i thought i was early, i ended up not having seats yet again!! i shall pray really hard that this final week of service i attend before flying that god show me to seats:) so that i can bring more friends along with me to receive the words of god:).. Today, pastor prince preached a really strong message. Its abt prospering in god, where we shall let no weapons prosper against us and stand up to any accusation! in the bible the accusation appeared 11 times where the law was used to accuse god. Laws set in the old testiment are like reflections on how guilty we are as the laws can never be bend, we always look like a sinner. Moreover, the devils are using them as a weapon to deal against us, to accuse jesus, making us feel worst. Having us to always put blames and disbelief and lack of faith in god. But as we have our ABBA in heaven with us, nothing shall go against us as god has disarmed the devils. With god with us, who can be against us! As how god took on the devil, we have to take on the accusations made, as usually accusations seem to be the main problem that result us in having the lack of faith, strength, confidence in god. BElieve in god for he send his beloved son to earth to undergo humanitity, to die for us on the cross, saving us and redeeming us from our sins! whatever god does, god has a plan! all good things come from god! devils are the reasons why we are in disbelief, fear, anguish, saddness and whatever negativity that comes abt! For god so love us, like how parents love their children, he does not do anything to condemn and hurt us but its the devil that made us feel condemned! Henceforth, by putting aside the accusation, and putting the word of god in place, making it the centre of ur life, nothing can get in ur way! devils are like lawyers trying to convict u against a perfect law but we are never perfect as we are only humans. In god we live, in his righteouness, his grace his love. to make the most imperfect human perfect. Habits we have like commiting sins are only habits that can be changed as god see us as a beloved son only with a bad habit which can be corrected! in god we are never convicted but always corrected through his righteouness! so believe in god's plans and god's work for the work is finish! dwell in his wonderful temple filled with grace and love whenever u feel lost and down for god is amazing and all the time!:)AMEN!

*u alone i praise, the lamb upon the cross,
u alone i praise, and make ur glory flows
u alone i praise, the keeper of my heart
u alone i praise, jesus lover of my soul*
for u are my righteouness and holiness!thank god for everything:)

gayness!!!

2008-03-30T01:20:00.004+08:00

well on the 26th march we had this random nights off n we went out as usual! but this time uniquely, there was a whole gene gang of 10 of us! as we stroll ard town, we finally landed in cineleisure!;) as we finally agreed on a movie to catch. It was titled "semi-pro"! throughout the time while waiting for the movie to start, tk maurice ahquan aaron actually went to buy those couple key chain( a heart perfectly broken into two, each having a winnie the pooh and piglet mounted on the hearts respectively) to signify their BOND AS BUDDIES and it marks a new level of gayness =X.OMG THEY ACTUALLY BOUGHT IT WHEN I WAS JUST SUGGESTING N JOKING ABT IT. Haha well i should say thank god for such bondage:) When everyone thought that it was the end, in 5 minutes the 10 of us ended up in a neoprint machine taking neoprint! CAN U IMAGINE THE ALWAYS DULL N MATURED DIFEI!! the "MACHO" ME=D, the stoning jonathan and the BFG AH LOONG!!! OMG!! i shall show u the neoprint next week! well, the battle to feature in the photo took a great deal out of us and indeed ah loong and tk made the most out of their money(BECAUSE THEIR HEAD WERE BIG N TOOK OUT TONNES OF SPACE !!!!I WANNA REFUND!!LOL!!!! n well, indeed it was gay but we felt gay(happy) hahah!!i cant imagine taking neoprints with guys and i really did it! omg!but well, it was a once in a lifetime experience and it will be a sweet memory deeply embedded. n really really.. thank god for this wonderful platoon:)

here're are some short photos we took at the singapore biathalon 2008:) hahah!! well it seems so happy reflecting on a milestone in life!:)

POSING FOR RED BULL?? LOL!!( darren, tk, eng yeow, nic, me, maurice)

THe ultimate gay photo of us:)

disappointing reds...

2008-03-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

well, here's a rant!! LIVERPOOL SHOWED NO CLASS AT ALL!! SIGH!!! how are they possibly gonna win if they arent determine. As i saw the fumbles the keeper (reina)made, the disappointing and flustered looks that he wore, imminently i knew that we are done for. U know this really let meto reflect on something so important! No matter whatever happens or whatever that goes in our life, we always make mistake. We must admit that we are no god for to err is human. The mistakes and problems we bore maybe small at times while, sometimes they are huge n dramatic mistakes! but a true winner is one who goes from strength to strength!! Take every mistakes and problems as turning points and guiding points that not only make u better!! but to inspire u to do EVEN BETTER!! If u can grasp that composure! i believe anything is possible:) sometimes its as just so easy:) just pray! is god is for u! who can be against u:D ! today, i went to church! i had a great time man!!Its like after so many sundays burnt beacuse of a special someone! i finally have a sunday to go n worship jesus n praise him, n thank him for everything he has blessed me with! u know sometimes the amazing thing abt god's child are they are endlessly blessed! maybe sinning but always forgiven! because we repent and we admit our sins but most importantly is that we have a merciful father that watches over us, guides us and showing us grace to make us better people! thank you daddy god!! sigh, though liverpool lost, but we'll never walk alone:)

*missing a special someone...*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8z2XLZjKYQ (a wonderful song by hillsong! tell the world:)

Its old but good!

2008-03-21T02:03:00.002+08:00

Well, who says old stuff are only deserving of a place in the bin? well actually i manage to catch 2 movies during the past few days. One of it was 8BELOWS, and the other was SPELLING BEE. I personally thought that this 2 are really great shows to catch man! well for those who have caught it, BARE WITH ME, hahah!!! others might not have catch it:)
"8 Belows" is a show talking abt these 8 dogs who lives in antartica. They are brought up and taught to work there! They serve as guide dogs and are needed to pull the sleigh. THese dogs are highly intelligent and really really cute:D! But the amazing thing about the dogs is the affinity they have with their owner which is really amazing. u can see how the dogs risk their lives just to save those humans lives that are entrusted to them. their diligence and courage is really applaudable! the climax comes when the dogs gotta survive a snow storm themselves as their owneers got evacuated. But its how amazing their survival instinct is and how they cared for one another! Its exceptionally touching when u see their handler going thru whichever means, whatever humiliation just to rescue his dogs from the snow storm. though he came, but only 6 managed to survive the ordeal. But for me, i pick this up. Its so amazing to see the great love and affinity between the dogs and their handler. The handler knew all 8 of them inside out. Caring for them as if they are his children when they arent even humans! If u can draw this to an illustration of god's love to this. What can god love to us be compared to this! aint it amazing? the love a mere human demostrate, what more GOD=D! on a lighter note, we can learn this, break free from the neck strap that are constricting us! take risk at times when we know times are bad and we cannot just sit there and wait for things to happen :)! do the right thing! its all abt the choices we make!
Next!! spelling bee is a show abt a girl despite all odds fought to compete for her shear desire to win! She manage to break out of the social NORM web. to be part of the cool gang in school when she can acheieve so much greater! she fought for what she really wanted, and with the undying spirit of never give up! because the biggest loser is not even trying! If u cant even beat urself! dun even dream of making it big because the biggest hurdle is ourselves! many a times we can see ourselves being up there amongst the top! but its the only few that dare to live and dare to take on such responsiblity, such humility that rises up while the rest fail! so be that one! show what u really want! n u know what!! u 're never restricted to one teacher because every single one can be ur teacher:D learning is never confine in ur classroom! dont be amazed! ur canteen auntie may impart something interesting to u which may help u!:D

* u know after watching "8 below", somehow i thought abt how i should have watched it with amily in the past! i bet we would enjoy it together! i hope she would catch it someday, because its a show so her... well thinking back, she was the first one who ever taught me how to love and care for a dog! she taught me so much about dog! n BIBI(who was her a favourite n oldest dog) was the first dog that ever responded so friendly lovely and caring when she greeted me with licks all over me! YUCKS but sweet:D! after that time, i open up so much to dog. Not being afriad n always looking forward to meeting a new one! but well i guess BIBI is special.!!! I MISS U BIBI, n errr.. u too... BUT i m sure someday i wil get to meet her soon! cheers! n thank you BIBI, thanks my dear amily."

*a walk to always rmbr.......*

A post specially dedicated to my pals:) and to a special someone...

2008-03-16T03:06:00.010+08:00

well, i guess i thank god for my friends. Friends for whom stood by me when i was the lowest, laugh spastically with me when i m high, entertain me when i m nuts and stayed by me whenever n whatever! so i thank god for such a wonderful blessing and may god bless them greatly!!

This is the lovely couple, My bestie( Cang Ning) n her bf!! they are really a cute n complementing couple who can make a mountain out of molehill but they will never fail to make u laugh when u r down. Sharing a listening ear any time, any where!!! =)Bestie!! thank you for being who you are! listening n tolerating some nonsensical nonsense i have, the emotional problems that comes over n over again! MAY U BE DEEPLY LOVE N GREATLY BLESS!! thank god cuz u r a blessing indeed:D !! duane!! u r a great guy!! stay chirpy:D

Well, these are my kranji BROTHERS MAN!! namingly, song hoe, dean, gare rern, melvyn, wen liang, leroy...they're literally like brothers, making my kranji life nothing less than meaningful! they added colours to my ever seeming dull life, STOOD by me ALL THE TIME. they were my pillar of strength, the outlet of jokes and the guide thru the toughest time! as buddies, we spurred on n look where we've come!wow!! 4 years together in sec sch!! we've come so far!! may this brotherhood stay forever man:DI will never forget how u guys were there for me!

Well, this are my childhood playmate!! NORTHVALE FOREVER MAN!!(Sam, Dom, MOLE, WEI DI, Adrian YEO, YAN, HAo LING, Ryan) we started since pri school man n look how big we've begun! we grew up together, been thru so many shit together n still going as strong as we are now!! let's continue owning those bbq dudeS:D hahah!! the teamwork and the chemistry is so amazing!! thank u bros!! u made life in northvale BRILLIANT:D we will, we will ROCK ON!Basketball anyone?:)

WEll, this is my class, 05s24. Thank you guys! i hope i have been an excellent ACM, hahah!!!well its great to have u in class, it keep the class pretty alive!! SPECIAL THANKS TO LONG CHENG, YO PIN, BOKU, JON, SIVA, KUM WAI... u guys made going to school meaningful!! HAHAH!! mugging with u guys talking cock with u guys! its a wonderful passtime! and yeah man!! CHEERS!!

OK!!! this is my BMT time, ORION PLATOON 4 SECTION 3 of the 02/07 BATCH(KC, DOM,KENG YEOW,EDWIN(SIR YES SIR),WEI SHENG,REAGAN,JAMES, YUN LONG(MY BUDDY), ALEX(BUDDY2),JIA YU):D hahah!!! well thank you guys for being there for one another! we were wonderful as a section! always in my mind, SECTION STRAIGHT AHEAD!! FIRE!! haha!! slack when we can chiong when we have to!! N I HOPE U GUYS ARENT LATE AFTER BEING REPUTated to be the latest bunch of guys=X!!! HAHAH!!! joking! u guys rock!

UHHUH, this is my platoon of nonsensical spastic SNIPPETS!!hahah!!making up of darren, di fei, john tan, JON(UMPA LUMPA),aaron,maurice(MUD BOY), NIC, YONG QUAN, AH LONG, Thiam kee,(missin in the photo, THE ONE, THINESH)yaeh man!! this are the guys whom i m gonna live for my rest of my army life! but one thing i must say, i m deeply blessed by having them as my platoon mates. THey are wonderful people, never sorrow always cheery! soccer, basketball,badminton, gym, running, biathalon? ALL STEADY!! hahah!!the unity in us is amazing! its like god's blessing us with his grace.we are somehow brought together by god and the undying feeling of teamspirit never disappears! As god watches over us,his blessed child. we are one, and one is us! THanks for making my army life so meaningful, thanks for showing me the meaning of fun. though i must say many would disagree that army life is fun.BUT to me, its fun only because of u guys!! BUT NOT SAYING THAT I M GAY!!!*althought some of them are suffering the post trama of living with guys for too long*but then yeah!!!TAO POK, MARIA-aaaaaa, guard duty, COS, everything!! LETS DO IT TOGETHER!! N MAKE THE BEST out of the time WITH ONE ANOTHER ALRIHT!!THANK YOU GUYS!! hope u may chance onto this post:)hahah!!!if u r meant to see, u will see!

well, here come the post for this special someone. her resounding name is, amily. well i guess its a HAD been for quite sometime already. The heart wrenching date where it ended everything was in Nov. well i must say, it has been a wonderful two years &3 months. u know, thru' out this 2years n 3months, i have really grown. with the guidance from god thru u, u transformed me.From a boy to a guy who learns to love, who learns to care and who learns to share, putting others above self, learning to understand people better and better ourselves. U know thinking back, i can imagine the nonsense i made u go thru but u were forever as patient as loving as forgiving as gracious to say," its ok, i m at fault too "when its quite obvious that u arent but many times u say that to console me, to make me feel better! At times, i could tell that u r troubled by your own problems, but u will keep it to urself epsecially when u see that i m down n out, sharing my burden on top of urs! i m truly appreciative of that. thank you for being so thoughtful. Its really sweet and understanding of u!thank you for always putting me in front of urself, always giving always loving. The everlasting love u showed me was glorious, u demostrated how love can be so magnificient, so beautiful and so memorable. Thanks for being so much to me.From, Pjc to sunset way. From suntec-marina south, our legacy is one i will always rmbr, thanks for making it so special, so unquiely us. I appreciate the effort u have put into our relationship. I must thank god for everything he has done for us in our past relationship. i must say i haven been wonderful, but one thing i really wanna wanna tell u is that, though i haven constantly assured u this but i just wanna tell u, u're definitely the most beautiful, sweet, loving and understanding girl i have ever met and ever been together with. YOur grace and love is overflowing which makes u so so special.It was indeed a blessing to have been with you! n i dare to affirm u that my heart has never left you when i stepped into it during our relationship. Probably i wont be sure for now, unsure for the future? but i guess if we are meant to be we will be, if not, i believe god has his plans for us! thank god for everything u have blessed n given us! may u be deeply love n greatly blessed and i pray that dear amily, enjoy life like u;ve never been, live a life of joy happiness and no regrets. May u have a wonderful time with ur bf! i give u my blessings! I would love to hear from u soon... take care my "dear" girl......='(

to those that i have missed out! no worries u r rmbred! probably i just didnt have ur picture to put it up! but i m sure u definitely mean alot to me! thank you for all u guys have done for me! a person like me doesnt deserve so much! so thank you for the exceeding love and grace shown to me! god bless one and all!:D...

*keep smiling, keep shining, knowing u can always count on me, FOR SURE! that's what friends are for! for good times n bad times, i'll be on ur side forever more! thats what friends are for:D*

SORRY MAN!!

2008-03-15T00:32:00.003+08:00

well, sorry man.. due to the hectic army schedule i didnt have much time to do my post online because my bestee HO gave me a great suggestion to do my personal reflection n posting into my little personal diary so i went ahead. N now she says my blog is RARELY UPDATED!! OUCH! hahah.. just joking! but here i am now updating u abt my life:)... u can always leave a comment at the comment column! its basic n back to pri sch!! BECAUSE BASICALLY I SUCK AT BLOGS MAN!! when i wanna save the template the computer went like,.. please close all the xml stuff.. I M TOTALLY LOST!!! so help me if u can! ANYONE...

welll starting off, i had been quite busy in the army training up n becoming fit because i m starting to get labelled or branded "FAT" again!! hahha.. so here's my regime going all over again!! hahah.. the push-ups the running, the sit ups, the soccer, the war gaming!!LOL!!but well everytime i run, i completely just snap man! haha.. i m totally ignorant abt my environment n just run like MAD!! haha.. well.. so the tipping point or the turning point i came along was at the SAFRA BIATHALON man, it was thoroughly an eye openner man!! I was thoroughly amazed when i set foot there! i expected weirdos and fugly people hanging ard man!! but to my amazement!! everyone were pretty good looking n well shaped!! OMGG!! I M GETTING TOO SUPERFICIAL! but to continue on, the people seemed pretty shaped up n geared up. SO there i was a lost sheep with my division, staring in space wondering how the outcome would be! As i swayed along with the crowd, i unknowingly reached the station where they write ur number tag number on ur hands n legs!! MAN DO I FEEL SO COOL CUZ FINALLY THE FEEL OF BEING A BIATHELTE:D CHEERS MAN!! haha.. shall show u some pictures of it man!! well, as we continue drifting on.. we arrived at the start point but realise that everyone has been flagged off,calmly n cool-ly we jogged towards the water, diving in n getting the first taste of biathalon!! but to my amazement, the sea became a war ground! legs flew, hands jabbed!body tao-poked, bottles float, all sorts of these came into play man!!but well, thank god i learn taekwondo!! hahah!! i finally made full use of it, close combat self defence! haha i gave them a left RIGHT centre..n overtook them!! hahah!! but well they didnt get the damage,.. I DID!! hahah..it was aggresive n tough as the tides and the underwater current was pretty strong due to the slightly bad weather!!at times, i would even miss a breathe or two due to those fearsome warriors in the sea!! but fear not!! i survived to tell the story;) n well as i swam towards the transition point, the feeling of satisfaction n completition could be greatlly felt!! as i ran up the water, i felt like i was in baywatch!! just that i didnt have that fans cheering me on:( but well, i find it quite fulfiling still!! as i changed over, i had a jog with darren!! we chatted alot along the way when we came to our first marker cone that stated, 1km!! I WAS LIKE OMG!! i was so screwd!! but thank god man!! the distance just seem closer as god held me up n brought me on his grace n made it so easy. at one moment i thought of being COOL/ GARANG!! haha.. i decided to stride when there was loads of people so i can overtake n look zai!~but then as i stride, 1 STEP, 2 STEP!OMG!! CRAMP!! haha..i was brought back to life!! haha... reality check!! stop being so action!! u live in god's grace not showing off my grace!! LOL!! so i carried on with my small stride.!! as the saying goes, slow n steady wins the race. AT 1hr40min, i successfully completed my biathalon!! YEAH!! CONGRATS TO ME!! hha.. as i sat down, the sense of satisfaction that filled me was overwhelming!! a milestone in life, a story to tell!! thank god for seeing me thru!:D CHEERS!!

n well!! today, i went out with my bestie HO n duane man!!hahah!! they are a very funny couple!! they totally complemented one another!! haha.. while ordering i found out a super similiarites amongst us, that is OUR CHINESE CANT MAKE IT!! mine sucks especially n guess what, we were eating in a steamboat buffet restaurant in BUGIS!! so it makes it like what the. the people there are all mostly from mainly chinese that made us quite prominent because we spoke english the whole night round! but the food was good!! but Cang ning should seriously not listen to her teacher advise on garnishing the soup with COCKLES!! CUZ ITS VERY VERY VERY HEAVY!!! (the rule states that food wastages, 100g =15BUCKS) hahha..!! but well at the end, we were all really really full man!! haha.. contenting i guess.. thats the word!but it was really a great time hanging out with them seeing the way they joke with one another, love one another. i really feel so happy for them!! god bless u two!! n i m sure u r a heavenly weaved couple made to last n love! cheers to u guys for making my night brilliant! hahah!!! god bless one and all!! MY EYES CANT OPEN ALREADY!! NIGHT!!

reminiscent and cherising...

dilenma

2008-02-15T01:03:00.002+08:00

welll!!! today is valentine's day so yeah!! HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY TO ONE AND ALL!! for whoever who is out there reading this..thanks for being a wonderful friend that made my life complete.. especially to my good friends who have been there with me taking good care of me, lending me ur listening ear and understanding me. i thank god that i have such great blessings like you guys being blessed to me! though i dont deserve it! but god is always so gracious and merciful and so giving!!:D well, i didnt know what made me sms amily today, telling her how much i missed her gifts, her companionship and her care n concern. I miss all these so much. BUt i m sure she wld be an even greater blessing to her bf and her friends. SO i thank god i had her once close by me. I read her bf blog on her, n i didnt know what made me gave a smile, but deep in my heart it was sliced, knifed and hurting.. the assurance, the plans.. it felt so real and everything, minusing all the chance i have.. i m really lost.. should i wait? should i hold on? hope for tmr? or should i give up? i read from the bible.. being optimistic, being positive abt every outcome then things wld be better. but i dunno how it feels now. cuz i m lost in transistion. BUt honestly right deep in my heart.. i stil miss her loads so i pray now that god u wld bless her with everything she is gonna do, everything she has and eternal happiness. i know i sucked at being a great bf, but i guess ur love supersid all...yearning, missing, deeply entrenched...

a blessed week!!

2008-01-20T13:27:00.000+08:00

Tuesday night, i made a special prayer to god. Cuz wed is SOC sigh..i m full of lost and sorrow cuz i know i cant avoid it already. finally, it was my turn to do it. Well in the past, i had amily all by my side, supporting me, motivating me whenever i fail. Its something abt the low rope that simply cant let me pass the whole soc. no matter how hard i tried again each time, how much faith i have in god to guide me thru it n pass it i just wasnt able to do it.IN the past, At least i know that when i fail, i've got somebody to fall back on n someone who understood me perfectly well. BUt now all is gone, i seriously wouldn't noe what to do. SO i prayed to lord, each time i have faith, i was let down. BUt for this once, i wanna do it good do it well!! n for this once, rest in god's strength! believe in god's power and i will do my best n let god do the rest. I had doubt but u know, there's something abt this prayer that made me believe! believe that i can do it! the day started off with me having a quizzy tummy n a bad throat. N i was like, how true can it be! having faith in everything bad is happening! but well god somehow comforted me. I had a negative thts, but somehow my heart was unshaken and not fondered by the negative thts! n so it started! n to my amazement, i came in one of the fastest for that day!! I WAS LIKE OMG!! I FINALLY CLEARED! at the moment i went all the way up the rope! i didnt take a second look n gave my all!! n god lifted me and gave me everything i needed to do it!! THANK GOD FOR HIS GRACE:D hahah!! n well for that totally made my week and day man!! to add on! i heard from my good pal that her event is sponsored by DBS!! omg!! thats like icing on the cake! haha!! its so amazing that god just simply shower us with love and EXCEEDING expectations of grace faith and hope!! haha. well i hope this simple testimony here can let u guys understand! god's love is so amazing!! i myself couldnt believe but i went thru it! n faith of course increased! praise god! HELLUJAH!! HAHA!!

DUTIES!!!

2008-01-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

MAN!!! ON MY NEW YEAR DAY! I HAD TO SPEND IT IN CAMP!! SIGH!! REGIMENTAL DUTIES ARE KILLING ME!! i have like 3 duties in 5 days! man.. i m so tired of it! but thank good ness i've got god by me! haha.. he is always there rejuvenating me n making me feel perked up n keep me going! thank god! well its definitely sad to not be able to celebrate new year with my family cuz it was an annual tradition that we have steamboat together as a family and count down together as one! haha.. THank god i had the time to have this final dinner and yup dinner taste exceptionally great with the love n effort taken to put in for this meal n how it turned out! haha!! well it was exactly last year! i watched fireworks with amily and celebrated new year day together! n yea one year was that fast! so many things had happened. good n bad, but then thru this times i have learn so much! grown so much in god's eye! in this new year! i have a few resolution! first!! TO COMPLETE MY DRIVING LESSONS N GET MY LISCENSCE:D next toe COMPLETE the 42.195 km Standard Charted Marathon:D haha!! TO be even closer to my family!! TO make more new friends and improve friendship! sorry if i have hurt any of my friends out there! n its a sincere sorry.. N i hope in this year 2008! i would be a better friend! someone who would care n love my friends! Well this is a short prayer for all my friends out there! may all of u guys out there have blessed relationships! n with god's grace have all ur new year resolutions come true and lead an exceedingly better life! with god we live! enjoy life my friends and HAPPY NEW YEAR:D

a time to rejoice a time to embrace

2007-12-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

Well its christmas!! MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!! HOPE U HAD A BLESED CHRISTMAS DAY!! i didnt had a wonderful MERRY CHRISTMAS CUZ I STARTED OFF SOME duties i had in camp so ididnt exactly gotta count down n due to some technical glich that made it all the more "memoriable" haha!! but well its a blessing in disguise! i get to experience SILENT NIGHT:D haha!! how i was great if there wld be snow:D haha!! well later in the day, i went over to my aunt's place for an annual christmas gathering with gift exchanges and stuff! well it was like an annual tradition so much so that it has become a norm already!
haha but ooo well but the mood was still there and it was still indeed enjoyable! haha!! well seeing my relatives brough me back to feeling n thinking so much. back to the times when amily was still ard with me, to keep me company and face n enjoy great times with my relatives and me. Still rmbred the time where we gotta play with gabriel, matthias, benedict and andrea. these cute little adorable cousins of mine. they even went to ask, where is amily jie jie?!? why didnt she come today? haha.. what cld i say? to a little kid who knows nothing abt relationship. i could only say that she was busy n couldnt make it. but someday when they grow up they wld understand. the kids werent the only one who asked, the adults did too. so much so that i didnt have the guts to hang ard the living room in fear of the further interogation. sigh.. guess i moved too fast and too quick already. well god why do u have to hold me back? sigh. as i layed on i start to be rmbered abt the happy times we had together as one. something so heart wrenching and painfulto rmbr but yet really really cherishable. Well god thats what u have for me, a time to rejoice a time to embrace. a time to feel happy and a time to feel sad! i guess these are ur words and i m living in it right now. u noe.. i cant help finding friends to chat with cuz i just love to chat with my friends and share my problems with. to get the daily boost to carry on the next day. but i feel so bad to those friends who has their partners to attend to. sorry if i took up too much of u guys time. god u noe.. sometime i really wonder can u read me well. do i have to tell u everything everytime. sometimes i get so tired to say so much n feel so sad all over again. i dunno y i feel so? but yeah.. god please understand me. lay by me n help me up. tired i am from everything. trying to lift myself to carry on the next day.. thank you god! i feel loved by u n sorry for burdening u.. keep me moving.. just cuz of a girl! good ness!! haha.. but well its no normal girl i guess! haha..thank god!

to you the one reading it!! i tink u r the only one!! HAHA!!!other than god:D

2007-12-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

Well, i understand how tough it is on you to have a partner who is a non-christian, u noe maybe at times he goes church with you because u ask him to? probably at this stage accepting christ because u ask him to? he maybe doing all this just for u n MAYBE not by the pure love for god? well i have been thru that before. as a non-believer u see it as the THING that keeps ur relationship moving n u haven tht much abt the rest?but u know what? to make him believe, u urself must have a really strong faith u know? ahha sometimes its so easy to say i have faith i have strong faith! but yeah what is really having strong faith? are u willing to release urself to him! think abt it.. if god ask u to break up with him,will u do? and if he did ask u to do so immediately wld u do so? keep the answer to urself.But if u said yes without hesitation yeah thats great cuz u have such wondeful faith! living in his words and abiding by his words! n i say congratulations! u r gonna be a whole lot of a blessing and postive influence to ur partner! so let god do the rest!!:D if ur answer is errr.. dunno?? or not really? maybe? then think harder!?!?! is this true faith? faith in god isnt doubting any words he say but TRUSTING N BELIEVING N ABIDING every single word of god. trusting believing and abiding, never doubting never worrying for u know he is wonderful and he loves u and makes sure u are blessed! regrow ur faith if u haven! rethink abt god's words? refresh urself abt god's grace and love for u! has he ever let u down?has he ever forsake u n say go away u r a sinner and never step close to this holy god?u are a back slidder,go away? HE NEVERS! instead like what pastor prince said today. he is willing! more than willing to enter thru ur door which never seems big enough for his grace and love! His healing ability love and grace never directs to any particular one! as long as u believe in him and let him comes in! everything will be healed and saved! never feel unworthy for he gave us this promise that will heal n love us unconditionally! like how a parent love their child!always wanting the best! giving their best! n working for the best of their child!all of them are THE BEST:D . u know what really touches me so greatly is how i realise how much he was ard me trying to get closer to me and tryin to heal me. BUt each time i indirectly turn him down feeling unworthy, sinful and useless! its not that i dun feel totally righteous or MR NICE GUY! but then his graciousness and forgivingness is so extensive that i myself forget how unworthy i am! true love can be found with him! u just have to close ur eyes and reach out to him! see him as the one! the father! the lover:D . so well have faith!n grow ur faith in him ,He died on the cross, He took our shame, gave us His righteousness and restored the glory of God to us. Well with true faith! and great faith! center ur life in him! he is wonderful! worthy of everything. share ur worries and problems with him for he can solve all problems! RMbr never forget the healer that heals n praise the healer cuz its the healer that heal n not the healing. THis god is one great god! his grace n love will heal all wound! n its not the matter of time! but its the matter how much has god heal u!:D whenever u r feeling down n out, look to him.. talk to him.. pray to him and i dare to say all worries will be gone! the feeling of lost is never there cuz the shepherd will bring u home lost sheeep:D he'll guide u i'm sure:D have faith in god n let god do the rest! never doubting never worrying but always loving and believing:D!! rmbr! god will make a way when there seems to be no way, works in ways we cannot see n he will make a way cuz we are the reason the he gave his life n we are the reason that he suffered and die to this world that was lost but he gave all he cld give:D to show us the reason to live to move on n to believing! god bless u girl!! call me or text me anytime:D haha!! i believe god will move u! n bring u on! dwell in his temple for he will bring u happiness!! n hakuna matata(it means no worry:D:D) god bless u n let blessed be ur night!:D

We are the reason

2007-12-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

Well today i had such a memorable day. Lonely i set off to a place of uncertainty? not knowing what to expect and all alone. i set my foot in this wonderful indoor stadiun. THe crowd was an astonishing sight and the people were wonderful!suddenly i felt so warm n comfortable despite the strong currents of air condition. As the whole service started i felt so close to god. U know.. songs after songs! as their singers rocked on. They touched my heart so deeply and greatly. The one that hit me the most was.. we were the reason. Well the chorus goes like, "as little children we will dream of christmas morning, of all the gifts and toys we live to find but we never realise, a baby born one blessed night, gave us the greatest gift of our life!we were the reason that he gave his life, we were the reason that he suffered and die. to the world that was lost he gave all he could give to show us the reason to live." one wonderful phrase. Well thats what is really meant by living for jesus and living in his word. U know he gave so much to save us from our sins, to show us the reasons to live, to go thru our suffering humanely where he neednt have to! Whats those little problems that we care for abt ourself unlike his greatness and grace he showed to us where he died for us! well i feel really blessed now. I finally felt in love.. this time its with god! i can feel his pressence so greatly and deeply. it was like i wasnt alone at all? he was tehre by me, healing me every single second and day. I didnt felt alone during the whole service despite seating in between 2 familes.. never one bit. I never felt sorrow but felt a peaceful and calmned soul filled with care love and concern! god healed me he did! he made me felt out of this world, rejoiced! he is always there exceeding our expectation and doing so much for us as long as we let him into our lifes! thank god for u're simply astonishingly WONDERFUL! praise u lord! amen! may this christmas be a blessing to every single one our there for u guys are a blessing to others too! MERRY BLESSED CHRISTMAS:D

holding a hand that slips?

2007-12-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

Well today i took up the role of a delivery man. I finally was abt to sell my extra phone thru my sister. she;s great man! i took like so damn long n still nothing happen no progress, unlike her. 2-3 weeks sold it:) i m proud of her n feel blessed that i have such an amazing sister! haha.. well while i had to travel all the way to farrer park jst to deliver the stuff, wow its really a long long ride there man! i was so sleepy cuz i wasted my night watching a badly played liverpool team. No zest, no motivation no push.. thats what irks me the most. Well as i sat the train all the way back. i was deep in thts. close my eyes n started praying to god. I didnt understand. i must admit, i m all jealous, all tired and bruise. I really hoped that icould have things going my way but i cant seem to have any! its quite irritating at times. I dun understand so many things u know. What u meant by growing in faith then things will fal in place. Right now, my state of mind is that why are u doing so much to me. WHat's wrong with u? why all people let me go thru all these? i m not that strong after all, i feel patheticly weak! god where are u? i really need the strenght u have! why haven anything i do make me feel better? all my happiness to me feels so short term. YEah i really enjoyed myseelf one moment and the next, i crumbled back into thoughts and painful memories. As the journey goes on, i realise something.. i seriously haven really repented what i done wrong...sigh.. seriously.. well i tht i did, but sometimes, is it the right way to repent? m i sinning in another way? as the train carried on, i wonder have our sin so badly that it cant be saved? i know that with strong faith i can turn the tables ard. BUt how? strong faith? is living in god's word enough already? probably so n probably not so. Living in god's words are great but praticising god's believe n truly putting the problem at the cross n truly repentant is another. I guess at times, i have tried to shunt the problem to aside? hoping that god will settle it him self n hoped that i learn something from it n change? but a friend told me this, if i m never gonna face the problem, see the problem, experience the pain and carry on actions to do something to it despite how painful it may feel, i m never, NEver gonna learn. i m Never NEVER gonna change for the better. Its when everything subsides and fade away, that's when i m finally and confidently saying that yeah, i have changed. changed for the better. Its where at the point in time, I m the lovely son of god! a loving n influential guy that can better the lives of people ard me! i look forward to that u noe.. My life goal.. to be a guy who can influence, aspire, help and cheer on all my friends ard me..n the very day i have totally repented, totally saved and totally unsin, i m confident to hold that hand that slipped. n for this time i will hold it really tightly, never gonna let go, no matter what, never fading and always relentless to keep it close to my heart. Protect it with all my heart, love it with all my heart! n most important to centre god within us.. Praise the lord.. that was how my life revolved ard today.. tmr will be a better day ahead:)thank god:)

worth?

2007-12-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

well.. malaysia trip has been fun cuz its the first time ever i actually went on a shopping spree alone with jonathan n his dad!! haha.. thank god his dad was such a nice guy man! he went ard with us without grumbling, giving us his opinion, time n patience:D thank god for having sucha wonderful person ard blessing our lives:Dhaha.. aint it just wonderful to know that such lovely people still exisit? lovely, sweet, understanding n patience:D yeah and this is what value each n every of us individual has! well god made us a differently, blessing each n every single one of us with some beauty that grace the world in his name, with his grace. Well u know i really did snap. i yearn i hope n i did wish.. but why? whats the reason? i really dunno.. it hurts yea.. it does.. sometimes, i m really not that strong enough? sigh.. thats the take away, wanting to be someone for everyone but not tough enough? i wish for strength, bravery and courage. GOd i love u.. i believe in ur changes.hope to see it soon keeping faith keeping hope. i have a good friend.. who loses her self confidence, bless her alright?its tough on her to have so many things on hand i really respect how she is! i believe u bring her thru glory many times for great reasons.well maybe i m starting to understand why u did so at times. to bring her to the high tops of the mountains and to the lowest of the earth?hmm i guess to let her slowly reaslise n to appreciate everything from the highest peak and at its lowest form n lastly herself even more:D to mould her to be who she really is. Well the journey is tough but i m sure u will go thru it with god! he wants the best and gives u the best so have faith in wahtever he has installed for u alright? :D thank god:D u r a great god!well its not how we feel abt thigns but how u feel for us! n well confidence! u r definitely gonna give us one in many different ways i m sure! haha.. now i wanna learn to be strong too:D to influence n grace people with ur love:D thank god! may everyone be blessed:D i believe god will tide thru this thing with u! center ur life n god will make u realise ur self confidence! god bless u one and all:D:D

A prayer a hope a desire come true?

2007-12-12T15:54:00.000+08:00

Well probably i miss it, but i have always rmbred doing something every night, which is praying for amily to find happiness and be happy all the time. Probably after yearning so much, u enlighten me. It was my prayer that came true? y blame him for he has graciously granted my prayer and given her courage to leave. i believe he has his reasons and he was merciful enough to give us a happy ending. thank god for ur grace. U know i m starting to understand the emotional attachment to prayers. U know somethings u just wish for things in god's eyes but never really meant it at times feeling that its like a routine, for eg. before meal prayers? thanking him for the food and graciousness n be blessed with n bless with the food. But how much of us actually meant what we say before our meals? we may probably rub it n brush thru it at times just to get it over n done with. well do be mindful cuz at times yeah we may say the wrong things n make the wrong desire which sins us instead of singing his praise. Well i;ve learn the sacredness of prayers and understand a little more of god. THANK GOD:D well missing and still missing but life still goes on. never lonely with god, never bored with lord, and awaiting a brand new days with new things to learn n see.. hope whoever who reads her gets bless!:D

THe forgotten one

2007-12-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 3:77So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.

many a times when we are blessed with good life, living in luxuries, success and happiness we tend to forget the one. the dearest lord that blessed all this to us and only get carried away by the luxuries and happiness that follows. Always brushing off as personal glory and never praising the one behind who gave us the strength n guided us. I myself m guilty of doing such a thing in the past. Well in the past when i had a blessed relationship, i just tht of only enjoying but never cherishing enough, never appreciating enough and never thanking his gracious one enough. i have never really thank him for his blessings, understandings and grace. N only look up to him when skies are gloomy and when bad time falls. THe negligence is something we shld never forget. God is the one behind our increase.He delights in blessing you because He loves us! well here's a little take away, thank god for everything he has done for his strength is truly amazing. He can bring us thru the stormy seas and walk us thru the fairytale story. God u are truly amazing. THank god for everything! may everyone be blessed with a wonderful holiday and to couples out there.. a happy relationship! stay happy my friends:D

broken hearted, lost n faithless sheep...

2007-12-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

well god, i cant deny. till now, till this very second, till this very day. I still miss her god. U know i gotta say, i guess i really feel indebted to her. I wont be who i am today, i wont know who you are, god, i wont know the meaning of true love, n i won't know many things that happen on this earth n many meanings of life. GOd, she has transformed me, to love my family much more and to appreciate and see life in its every single n fine aspects of it. GOd i wont deny, I still love you! i will move on, thats a promise. I know, the great healer u r, u'l heal me. I m here awaiting of this miraclous healings and grace which i can live upon! U know god, i just know how much i aint meant to be for her now, i know i have been the one who has hurt her the most n i m the one who aint worthy of her afterall. U know i cant bear to see her sad n i know god u r great.. For now.. i know.. u'll make a way when there seems to be no way, u work in ways that we cant see! for i'll praise u lord! salvage me from my sins and the depths of sadness n sorrow. I wil move on in life! from this very night! i will move on to live with faith! in the eyes of god! the way how god wanna his child to grow n nurture! I will rmbr! i learn something for learning something is when something happening n reacting to it n thats where i learn! thank god for ur grace! n may god bless amily n ian.. n my bestie cang ning n duane!god bless one and all..i will move on! to live in ur arms n to be a better man.. praise the lord!

breaker..

2007-11-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

well, when u told me so.. it came as a heartbreaker.. so painful so depressing.. I couldnt take it..
i crumbled to my knee.. looking to god. What has happen! why is this so? what have i done wrong to deserve something like that? havent i been good enough? haven i love u enough? god i tht u were gracious god? giving ur child here some hope?is this what i call as hope. But as i look on, i still believe in u god. though is was a breaker, but i will finally say that i wanna dwell in ur temple n rest in ur arm to let u take me from strength to strength. i m devastated tired and upset but i guess its only u that have the power to heal me. take me off from here my lord. ur wisdom n love for me is ever so gracious n i know u'll help feel my void. I trust in u lord! thank god for ur never ending love. though everything may not be going as plan but i believe there's something u plan that is worth looking forward to. god bless her as i hope that u can give her her desire n wish, love her endlessly n give her grace.. i will leav for ur plans ur hope n ur believe. thank god n bless me n my loved ones n friends!

Faith

2007-11-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

Well, i've learn something today. let me share with u.. Well, everytime everyone says, have faith! god will do the job! have faith in god for he'll deliver his child in need! but what really is faith. I guess faith is having faith in god's faithfulness. Having faith in god means that u will never doubt what he bestow to u! believe that it is always something better and worth cherishing and worth waiting for, looking forward to. Persisiting and living in short-term happiness n pleasure will never go far. It will always come to an halt.. From Hebrews10:19 - 11 in the bible " faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". Many noble man, namely abel, enoch, noah, abraham all lived in a life of faith of god. they accepted persecution from god joyously despite dying dejected, down n out. but god is never ashamed to call himself our god cuz he prepared a better for us! Faith is not a magical formulae which we can muster enuff and then have all our prayers and hopes answered but it is the determination to hold on no matter how tough it is. a constant commitment to hang on and believe in god even how desolute we are! thats what really is faith! i believe god has wonderful plans for us! never doubt and let go those things that have to be! have a happy ending and start everything brand new and afresh!For god i live! and i love god!! thank god for everything u have bestowed to me! N i will pray! heal us!! heal us both!! u r almighty! we'll await ur healing grace!praise the lord.. amen!let us all be happy

lost sheep..

2007-11-10T15:37:00.000+08:00

dear shepherd.. where are u.. bring me back. I guess i have learn something today from u. I shall live for u and be thankful for how u loved ur child. All this while i tht that having her was a huge blessing n an ultimate one. But finally i understand, u r who i ultimately should feel blessed abt and should feel all loved and care abt. I yearn for someone to care but i didnt notice how u have cared for me since the very day i let u into my life. u r truly amazing and gracious and i shall say that thank god for all the blessings u bestowed to me. I shall thank god that me n her were once togethern i had treasured ur blessings. I will learn to listen to u n believe in ur plans before i can truly move on. I always hold back, i always hope and i always yearn. keeping faith in only my believe but it might not be urs. U have a better plan for me and not just me, us... maybe individually, maybe together. I'll leave it to u. I shall yearn no mroe, request no more for i shall live humblely in ur arms my healing god. I shall leave my healing to you and be happy that yeah day by day i will grow n be happy..i wanna be the carefree guy that u bestowed me to and not worry my friends my peers, my love one and my god. U r a great father who will see his needs of his child n i truly can feel for u. sorry for my ignorance n from this day i will grow in ur arms. thank god for ur grace. u r my lord my saviour my soul.

Son Of god

2007-11-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

Well, it has been 3 days apart now. Wounds are still hurting, heart still swelling.. Devastation sets in when the tht of loneliness and hopes are dash. Y god? y spoil our relationship? i have been asking this qns over and over again in hope for an answer. We are truly in love..and y break us apart? Why cant we have our say in our relationship?

But god i still believe in ur plans, i live for u and i wll be strong for u! give me the strength lord! we'll go thru this together for u're almighty and u can rock this earth for ur strength is wider than seas, higher then heaven! u noe god, i cant wait to see what u;ve installed for me. I m really hoping n praying hard for it! I love to love n be love by love. N it's only be that one person that gives me the strength, that brought me to you and guided me thru. She has changed me, influence me and impacted me to better a guy! This love i believe is far greater than what we have hoped for! but i will carry on hoping, believing and having faith for god never fails to disappoint his child and is ALWAYS on time! GOD i believe in u! i will see what u've for me! i love you god! n i yearn for ur forgiveness for my sins! HERE I PRAY!! God show me grace and guide ur ignorant child along the way!thank god for ur pressence! Amen!